My Overall Complications
by VSlash
Summary: With Turk and Carla getting married soon, JD’s feeling of abandonment is added to pre-existing alienation while Dr. Cox tries to avoid falling into old habits of self-destruction.
1. Introduction

Elliot was watching him when he woke up and they both smiled groggily.

"'Morning," JD yawned.

"Morning," Elliot repeated softly.

JD stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes then let his arm fall against the mattress and just watched her.

In the morning light, the disarrayed threads of Elliott's hair glowed around the edge of her silhouette. As she tucked the stray hairs away behind her ear and held the sheets in place across her chest, JD couldn't help but think she was beautiful. She had no makeup on, her eyes were puffy, but there was no one else in the world that JD wished to be there right then.

They were finally, finally, _finally _back together again. Elliot had realized, yet again, that JD was the right guy for her. It was hard playing the role of just-friend when she went through one boyfriend after another but the moments like this when they were actually together made up for it.

Life had been bleak for JD lately and it was wonderful to finally have one part of his life in the right place, even if everything else was beginning to fall out from underneath him. Since Carla and Turk had announced their engagement, JD rarely saw Turk. Things had been strained beforehand as their relationship went from casual to serious, but when Carla had finally accepted Turk's proposal, the dynamic had changed dramatically. Some small part of JD had come to resent them both. It was an extremely small part of him, a bitter little boy pouting in some corner of his mind that he scolded for immaturity, but it was there.

None of that mattered in the slightest as JD stared into the eyes of the girl of his dreams on an early Tuesday morning.

"Mmm," JD half moaned, half chuckled.

"What?" Elliot asked.

JD leaned in closely and kissed her before pulling back and sighing, "I was just thinking that there's nothing I'd rather do than just lie here and watch you, but I'm starving."

Elliot laughed, "Yeah, me too."

"All right," JD grunted as he got up and out of bed. He picked up his T-shirt from the floor and put it on as he walked into the kitchen. Elliot gathered the bed sheet around her shoulders and followed and took a seat at the kitchen island.

"The specials of the day," JD said grandly as he opened cabinets and looked around, "Are…oatmeal…a can of black olives…" he stooped to look inside the fridge and pulled out what looked like an old carton of Chinese food.

"Or whatever the hell this is," he continued as he opened the container and gave it an apprehensive sniff. He winced, gagged and then added, "Or might I suggest Cocoa Puffs? They are the chef's specialty."

Elliot pretended to tap her chin in thought then answered, "Well, since it is the specialty."

"All right!" JD chuckled as he went rummaging through the cabinets and drawers, "Good choice."

He placed the bowls, spoons, milk and box of cereal on the counter and sat down himself. Elliot watched as he furrowed his brow with childish concentration as he poured his own cereal. He caught her and asked, "What?"

"Nothing," Elliot replied, "It's just – I really missed you. I missed this," she gestured, "You know?"

"Yeah," JD agreed, passing the box of cereal to her and grabbing the milk carton.

"I mean, it just always feels like we're just skirting around the inevitable," Elliot continued as the brown puffs tinkled against the bottom of her own bowl, "The whole world is always going in these big circles but it always seems to come back to the same things, doesn't it?"

"Uh-huh," JD choked through a mouthful of food.

Elliot looked up and shook her head to herself.

"_What_?"

"You're such a dork," Elliot smiled, "Here I am trying to tell you something important and you're not even listening."

"I am too," JD contradicted seriously, "And I know exactly what you mean. The thing is: you've got no idea how important this is to me. I really needed this; I really needed you."

JD leaned across the kitchen island and gave Elliot a slow, soft, silent kiss. When JD opened his eyes again, Elliot was staring at him, speechless and pink in the ears.

Their gaze was broken when a knock at the door startled them both. Elliot gave JD a questioning look and he got up to answer it.

He undid the lock, opened the door and was gob smacked. He couldn't even quite remember the man's name for a second, he was so out of place. But Elliot did.

"SEAN!"

JD bounced to the side as a whir of blonde hair and bed sheet lunged passed and humped onto the man standing outside the door. There was a chorus of shrieks and laughter that soon gave way to silence as Elliot and the man at the door stopped to stare at one another then tore at one another with violent kissing.

JD felt his face go limp and the rest of his body go numb.


	2. My Incredible Awkwardness Part 1

"So he just came back from New Zealand for her?" Turk asked, "Just like that?"

Only a about an hour had passed, but JD still couldn't quite decide what to feel. He had somehow managed to escape from the apartment that morning without saying more than "Hi. Good to see you. We'll have to catch up some other time," as he streaked out the door. He'd been ridiculously early for work but there was no way he could stay there.

At Sacred Heart, he waited for Turk to arrive and then unloaded everything onto him.

"Yeah," JD answered incredulously, "After all that bull shit about not having time for him and priorities and all that."

Turk looked at a loss for words and shook his head vaguely. He wasn't sure if JD was looking for consolation or an opinion or something else entirely.

"So, I guess this means she must be dumping me?" JD asked aloud.

"I don't know, Buddy," Turk answered.

People were coming and going as the shifts switched over and the entire lobby was rather noisy, but JD heard Elliot's voice above everything else even before he saw her.

"All right," she sounded nervous, "Thanks for dropping me off, Sweetheart. I'll see you when I get home."

Turk and JD turned to see Elliot standing just inside the hospital doors. She gave a suspicious looking Sean a hug, a quick peck on the cheek and then tried to usher him back out the door

Sean was about to turn around when he caught sight of JD and stepped past her. Elliot looked panicked and tried to hold on to him, but Sean shrugged her hand away and came up to JD.

"Listen, about this morning," Sean said awkwardly, almost looking embarrassed to even be asking, "Did - did anything happen between you and Elliot while I was gone?"

JD looked at the man questioning him and didn't know what to say, as he hadn't expected this. Of _course_. Something had happened between Elliot and him. _You were gone Sean_. _It was supposed to my chance to make things up to her, God damn it. _

JD looked over Sean's shoulder at Elliot and saw that she was staring at him, terrified; pleadingly. After everything she'd said this morning, she was honestly hoping that JD would just bow out like the good friend he was.

JD weighed his response and then just let it out.

"Yeah," he answered flatly, "Just before you came back, she and I hooked up again."

Sean's face went blank and he turned back to look at Elliot, whose eyes filled with tears. JD knew he had ruined any chances that they might have had of getting back together and, rather than feel guilty about it, he was glad.

"Come on, Turk," JD said, "Let's go."

But Turk was stunned. He looked at JD, shook his head and walked away. JD was left to slink out of sight on his own while Elliot tried to talk to an angry Sean.

***

"JD! What the hell!" Carla cried when she slammed her lunch tray down across from him.

Though word had gotten around quickly all morning, JD had carefully avoided all his friends until Carla and Turk had cornered him in the cafeteria.

"What?" JD snapped defensively.

"JD, why couldn't you have just lied for Elliot?" Carla asked.

"Dude," Turk added, "I can't believe you did that."

"I don't care!" JD mumbled, "She deserved it."

Carla's eyes grew wide, "What?"

"She deserved it for dumping me like that," JD answered resolutely.

"JD, you can't possibly think that you were in the right!"

"I do and I was."

"Re-heally ladies! Do you have to discuss Brandi's love life so loudly? Some of us don't care," Perry's voice resonated even before he turned around from his seat at the neighboring table to glare at the three of them.

Carla glared back until Perry turned around, and then turned to JD again, "You're the one who broke her heart, remember?"

"Butt out, all right?" JD snapped.

"Elliot deserved better than that!" Carla continued, "And you should be ashamed, really, truly ashamed that you're so petty. I can't believe you would actually tell Sean that you two had sex when they weren't even starting off on level ground anyhow. He called it off, did you know that? He went back to New Zealand, didn't even stay overnight, but I suppose that probably doesn't matter to you?"

"Who said what now?" Perry asked, turning around again with his eyebrows raised, "You slept with Barbie and then ratted her out to Dolphin Guy?"

Carla answered for him, "Yeah!"

"Oh, Edie, Edie, Edie," Perry shook his head, "I mean, _come on_. Isn't it enough that you two have your weird ass little annual nerdy love sessions to complicate things without having to snitch on her like a little girl? I mean, good lord, the woman's held you're pasty little body in the throes of passion, isn't that enough?"

JD looked to Turk for some sort of support, but he only shrugged and repeated, "Uncool, dude."

JD stood up and slammed his hands against the table, "Shut up!" he shouted, "All three of you! Who the hell are you to judge me? Yeah, I might have hurt her, but she hurt me too, so I think we're even. It would have only been another two weeks before she found something to bitch about and Sean would have been off again anyhow. And who would Elliot have gone to then, huh? You? You? You?" he pointed to Carla, Turk and Perry in turn "No! She would have been back at my door to fuck around for a while until another guy turned up and she'd leave my ass in the dust again. Maybe this way she'll leave me the hell alone and I won't have to worry about it."

Carla hesitated for a second, "

"She's got you by the short ones there, Sheila," Perry agreed, annoyed with JD's gall.

Turk nodded.

JD's face was went dumbstruck with disbelief, "Oh, yeah, because being selfish is unheard of around here. Tell me, Carla, exactly why are you badgering me about this for anyhow? Is it because Elliot came to you for consoling or is it so the ladies down at the nurse's station have the facts straight? Since you're not actually with Elliot at the moment, I'll take a guess. And what are you worried about Turk? That if you don't stick on Elliot's side she won't save your ass the next time you need one of the medical nerds to write a paper for you?"

"And what a hypocrite you are," JD turned finally to Perry, "I'm just pissing of an ex-girlfriend. You're bent on destroying your entire family over some weird little hang up."

"Excuse me?" Perry snarled.

"The liver transplant patient…Dr. Miller…that entire fucking orchestra? Any of that ring any bells?" JD asked mockingly, "You can't handle being happy with Jordan and you're trying to fuck everything up again with the pretty new girl. Sounds pretty selfish to me."

"So excuse me," JD said finally, looking at all three of them, "For not taking your disapproval of my being selfish to heart. It's hard for me to feel any empathy for poor Elliot anyway when her only problem is that she's too stupid to hold onto one of the good things to keep coming her way. I wish I had her problem; I'd kill just to have someone to talk to anymore, let alone screw."

Carla, Turk and Perry watched silently as JD slammed his hands down on the table one last time in frustration before storming out of the cafeteria. They stared back and forth at each other for an awkward moment before ducking their heads and silently ignoring one another. Eventually, Turk and Carla left separately, giving a minimal farewell.

Perry just stared at the door where JD had left and thought about what the kid had said, nursing the Styrofoam coffee cup in his hand until he had until he couldn't take the sitting and took off to resume working himself.

***

When Perry got home that night, all the lights in the apartment were out except for the dim glow of Jack's night light emanating in the hallway. He took his coat and shoes off at the door and tiptoed down the hall. He stopped at the nursery's doorway and looked in.

Jack was asleep and Perry watched his lax face and his chest rise and fall slowly underneath the blankets. He wanted to walk over to the crib and just lay his hand on Jack, just touch him, but he knew better than to wake him up. Instead, he turned back to the hall and continued to the next doorway. He could tangibly feel the change of heart as he drew closer. When he turned to look into his bedroom and he saw the outline of Jordan's sleeping body under the covers, something felt wrong. She looked just as peaceful lying there and there was some part of him that wanted to crawl under the covers and wrap his arm around her hip, but it was a very small part that was overshadowed by the part that lead him back down the hall to lie down on the sofa in the living room.

It had happened the other morning too, when he looked up and saw her sitting across the breakfast table. He had felt the odd rush in his chest like he was going to vomit. There was a line just after things quit being new and started to become comfortable and when Perry found himself on the other side of that line, he panicked. He would say something mean-spirited and he would know, even as he said it, that he didn't mean it. There was nothing more he'd like to do than just reach out and touch her, but he couldn't.

It wasn't just Jordan either. He liked to keep strict divisions in his life and always had. Home life did not mesh with work, and neither did work and the rather small social life he led. If not, it was like when he was a kid in grade school and he would see one of his teachers in the super market and felt odd - automatically guilty like he had been caught off guard doing something wrong. There were different parts of his life and each was supposed to be sealed off from the others. He simply left what he was doing at the door when he was coming or going. This was incredibly beneficial for his career. Anywhere else, however, it was anything but. When he came home at night to his empty apartment, it was a section of its own. It was the most personal. There were no teachers, no coworkers, no peons, no newbies, no patients, no bar rats, no little-things-with-tramp-stamp-tattoos and peroxide-yellow hair, no high school buddies. There was no one except for him and when anyone else treaded amongst his impersonal modern furniture and sparsely decorated walls, he felt again like he had been taken off guard doing something wrong.

Damn it. The kid was right. There was a woman in his bedroom who loved him and whom probably came the closest thing to being someone he loved but the idea of her being here in the middle of the night scared him. The idea that she would still be here in the morning with her hair messy and her eyes puffy while she hunted down a cup of coffee made him uneasy and the notion that she would do the same day after day for the immediate future again made him feel like throwing up. Perry got up from the couch and went to the bookcase where he opened up his bar and poured himself a scotch. Damn it. The kid was right.

Perry decided that he wasn't going to do the same things he always did. He wasn't going make enough commotion for Jordan to wake up so he could badger her with questions and attitude until she left. He poured himself a second and third drink, both of which he downed for courage, then marched resolutely down the hall and into his room. He stripped down to his boxers and slid in under the covers. Jordan, who had woken up in the process, made some tired, mumbled conversation then rolled over to lie her head on his chest. He stared at the ceiling and smiled triumphantly as he wrapped his arm around her. Then he realized that his face hurt from the strain of smiling and he let go to find he still felt the same as before, only slightly buzzed. He opened his mouth to make some snarky remark, but caught himself and just said he had to piss like a race horse and got out of bed. He rushed back to the living room and bee-lined straight for the bottle of scotch and began drinking again. Damn it. The kid was right.

When JD got off his shift at Sacred Heart, he'd gone to a bar in self pity and tied one on by himself. By the time he finally walked home, Carla and Turk had already gone to their room for the night. JD took off his coat, threw it onto Rowdy and slipped his backpack from his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor next to the couch. He turned into the kitchen and stood in front of the open refrigerator door, knowing beforehand that there would be nothing good to eat. He grabbed the carton of milk and pulled a bowl and box of cereal from one of the cupboards.

He wandered carefully to sit on the couch in the living room, doing his best not to slosh milk onto the floor. He flicked the television on and flipped through the channels blankly. The beers he'd had (not in the mood for something funny like an appletini) had done nothing to help JD feel any better. Alcohol seldom had the effect he wished it would on him. It would occasionally make him laugh and have a good time, but that was generally only when he was having one to begin with. Usually, it just augmented his mood and tonight he'd been feeling sorry for himself, which involved telling himself Elliot was a whore that didn't deserve him, Turk was an ass – what happened to bros before hos? – Carla was a nosy hypocrite, and that Dr. Cox could just go fuck himself. By the time he crunched down spoonfuls of Captain Crunch (even the cereal choice was a letdown as he felt the top of his mouth burn), he had managed to talk himself out of specific beefs and was now in more of a general wallowing mood over life in general.

When there was nothing worthwhile to be seen on television, JD ended up watching paid programming for as long as it took him to finish of the Captain Crunch and spill half the pink colored milk down his chin when he tipped the bowl back to polish it off. He threw the bowl in the sink and turned off the television as he trudged tiredly on to his room where changed quickly into a T-shirt and pair of shorts and then fell limply onto his bed. The covers were cool and felt good against his exhausted body. It took a moment of self-coaching before he worked up the oomph to turn over onto his side and pull the comforter underneath him up and over his shoulders but he managed.

It was just when he was comfortable and about to nod off that he heard the pounding. At first he thought it might be at one of the neighbors' doors but, when the knocking continued a second and third time, JD got up slowly and went to answer the door. If he wasn't half asleep he would have worried about how late it was and might have even waited for Turk to wake up and get it but, being he was and a bit inebriated on top of that, the thought didn't cross his mind and he went straight to the front door, unlocked it and opened it. Perry was standing in the hall wearing a hockey jersey and a pair of jeans.

"You were wrong you know," he spat out oddly.

"What?" JD asked, leaning against the doorway and rubbing his eyes so they'd adjust to the light in the hall. Perry had only ever been to JD's place once before, and JD couldn't think of why he would be there now.

"When you said I couldn't be happy," Perry said drunkenly, "You were wrong. I can be happy."

"Dr. Cox, are you all right?"

He didn't seem to know the answer.

"You want to come in?" JD asked, realizing he wasn't wearing pants and stepping back into the shadows.

"No, Carol. I was just sitting at home thinking to myself how absolutely wrong you were and I had to come and tell you to your face."

JD could smell the alcohol on his breath. It was why he wasn't giving one of his rants, just talking.

"Fine," JD said, "I was wrong."

"Yeah you were," Perry nodded, "I can be happy. I can be as goddamn happy as I want to. Jordan's at home right now with Jack and you know what? I couldn't be happier."

JD was still very annoyed and cockier than usual, "Then why aren't you there with them?"

Perry stared at him blankly.

"Listen," JD said almost apologetically, "It's really late. If that's all you needed…"

Perry turned to walk away and JD went to close the door behind him, but he stopped and started, "How-?"

JD stopped and opened the door again, "What?"

"How do you – how does everybody just let it happen?" Perry asked, looking lost, "How do you let people get in your home and then be ok with it?"

"Dr. Cox, I'm not sure I understand."

"How do you let people get close to you, Ava?" he reiterated, his usual self eeking in.

"You just do," JD said, "It's scary, but one day you look up and you realize that someone's been there so long that you can't really remember what it was like before they were there."

"Very articulate, Charlotte."

JD was annoyed by this, sighed, "Whatever," and went to close the door.

Perry bit his lip. Before he could help it, he asked, "Are you really that lonely? Like you said? Do you really just wish you had someone to talk to?"

JD stopped for a second time and, staring down at his hand on the doorknob, "Yeah."

Perry felt sorry for the kid and extended an arm to pat him on the shoulder or something. Then he realized that JD was standing there in essentially his underwear and that he himself was wearing a pair of leather moccasin slippers – he realized that it was the middle of the night and that neither of them were at Sacred Heart and Perry felt his chest tighten.

"Tough break, Cindy," he said instead, knocking his palm against the door jam, "Be sure to have Mommy pack extra cookies in your Wonder Woman lunchbox next time so you can bribe your little girlfriends into sticking around. Then maybe you wouldn't have to throw a little tantrum and run your mouth off about other people." It wasn't even good, but Perry quickly pushed off. He could hear the door slam as he walked away.


	3. My Incredible Awkwardness Part 2

"Dr. Cox!"

He looked up from the chart he was reading and saw JD running down the hall of Sacred Heart towards him. It had been two days since he'd shown up at JD's door and while JD had tried to enjoy the day he'd had off, he couldn't get over Perry's gall.

He had ridden JD's ass since the beginning. JD had convinced himself it was just some sort of tough love educational approach that Dr. Cox took because he was the way he was, but that was becoming harder and harder to believe. What seemed more likely and easier to swallow was that he was just and asshole. There was nothing to be learned; there was no bigger picture. He was just an unbearable human being who got off on abusing other people. It was as simple as that.

"Dr. Cox," JD repeated as he trotted to a stop.

"What is it Clarabelle?" Perry said, looking back down at the chart.

"I'm going to request that I be switched out from underneath your supervision. I just thought you'd like to know," JD said. He didn't wait for a response and continued down the hall before he lost the tiny bit of courage and defiance he had managed to work up.

Perry didn't look up. He stared down at the chart and pretended to be reading it long enough to absorb what JD had just said. He should have shouted after the kid. He should have told him he was sorry for what he'd said. He should tell him that no other intern had dealt with him this long and that he thought the kid had real potential.

But he didn't

***

"Well, Perry. I don't think that any of this is new. I've been telling you this for months. When you're faced with a situation, you weight the options, pick the best response and do the exact opposite."

Perry hated going to the shrink and found it uncomfortable but he'd gone once years ago to a few court mandated sessions and found it did help sometimes. That didn't stop him from being an ass the entire time, however.

"What brought around the sudden epiphany?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Nothing," Perry said.

"Come on, Perry," the shrink went on, "There had to have been something. It was only a matter of time before you did something. What was it, another woman?"

"I think I had a crush on this female doctor I work with," Perry said after a long pause. "I didn't sleep with her," he added when he saw the look on the shrink's face, "Just sort of flirted. But it's over now, done. I've backed off. People kept telling me I had a crush on her and I thought they were all out of their minds. Then a kid who works under me said something that made me realize it was true and that the only reason it was happening at all was because things have started to calm down between Jordan and I and that, with Jack in the picture, things were all starting to get a little too white picket fence for me. I was just looking for something to screw it all up with."

The shrink nodded and waited for Perry to go on.

"I don't know. It's just…whenever I feel like things might be getting stagnant and when I feel like I'm too comfortable around other people and they're too comfortable around me, I have to do something to keep them on their toes."

"And what does that something generally include?"

"An insult," Perry admitted, "Or some sort of threat to make people think they aren't welcome."

"And are they welcome?"

Perry sighed, "I don't know. I really don't know whether or not I want people to be there. I just can't seem to let well enough alone and I think I've already screwed some of this up."

"How so?"

"Well the kid I was talking about; he's decided transfer and finish out under someone else."

"Do you think that was a mistake?"

"On his part or mine?"

"Either."

"No. The kid shouldn't have to put up with my bullshit."

"Are these arrangements final?"

"What?"

"Could you apologize and convince this 'kid' to stay?"

Perry snorted, "I don't know. Maybe. He said he was going to do it, not that he had."

"Maybe you should try to talk to him."

"I doubt that very much," Perry said, not even able to consider begging Newbie not to leave.

"You know you're just doing it again, don't you?" the shrink asked.

"Doing what?"

"He understood you too much and you felt that you'd gotten too comfortable and now you're driving him away."

Perry thought that one over as the shrink continued, "What is it about this kid that makes his opinion so important to you? Like I said, I've been telling you all of this for weeks now, and nothing."

Perry thought this over as well. Why had it mattered that Newbie said he couldn't let himself be happy. All sorts of people had told him this. The shrink, Carla, Jordan – even Perry himself said it, but he had never actually realized what that meant until the words came out of Newbie's mouth. Why did his opinion matter?

Newbie had been on his coattails like a sad little puppy for almost two years now, putting up with a relentless barrage of shit being thrown at him. He got Perry, if anyone could say that, almost as much as Carla or Jordan and the only reason that Carla got him was because she had been there for years too. And because he'd had wanted her to know him. She was naturally good at cracking open nuts like Perry, but he had let it go and even let out incriminating things over the years between the relentless sarcasm and insults and overacted ego. So what did that mean? Did he want JD to figure him out?

"Nothing," Perry spat out, getting up and leaving the office, "There's absolutely nothing 'about him.'"

***

JD was lying awake in the on call room, staring at the bottom of the bunk above him in the dark. He was tired, but he couldn't sleep.

JD had long ago realized that the feeling he had for Perry went a little beyond the normal adoration of a mentor and more into obsessive idolatry territory, but it really wasn't a new pattern. JD had always grown attached to the strong figures in his life. He thought it was probably a large amount of time his father spent on the road when he was a child and the fact that he didn't have much of a male role model growing up. It was sometimes embarrassingly obvious in JD's less than machismo habits. He'd grown up a pale, skinny, awkward boy who was always taken in with aggressively manly men: the older guys at soccer camp, his friends' dads and the teacher who had suggested he go into medicine. JD had emulated them as best he could and wished he could be more like them.

It was the reason JD had put up with Perry for this long. In some weird way, JD had fixed Perry as being a replacement father figure in his head. He exuded confidence. He commanded respect. He frightened people. He was an excellent doctor. He was a man. Something JD could, in his own opinion, never even compete with. JD had swallowed every insult, every belittling comment, every ridicule and girl's names until now because Perry was who he was.

But enough was enough. Being shot down at work was one thing, but to be hunted down and made fun of at his own home in the middle of the night was something else entirely. It disappointed JD more than anything, to know that his idol would do something as tactless as that. It didn't necessarily surprise him. He'd seen and heard the sort of things Perry did. It was actually surprising that he hadn't done something like this a long time ago. JD didn't need his abuse any longer. Not now.

JD's thoughts were interrupted when someone opened the door to the on call room and light poured in. He covered his face with the crook of his elbow and groaned. He listened as someone stepped in the door, closed it behind them and rustled his direction. The next bed over screeched as someone put their weight down.

"Newbie," a voice hissed.

JD slid his arm over his head and settled it under his neck as he peered in the dark to see who it was.

"Dr. Cox?"

He answered directly. Instead, he sat on the edge of the bed facing JD, "Listen, about the other night…"

"Uh-huh," JD said, propping himself up on his elbows.

"I had been drinking."

"Don't worry about it," JD said automatically, rolling onto his side away from Perry.

"No," Perry said, "I was out of line."

Though JD couldn't see it in the relative darkness, Perry's jaw was cocked in frustration.

"Ok," JD said unsurely.

"I was talking…" Perry started, but he started over, "I was thinking things over. Everyone tells me that I can't handle being happy. That I'm a drama whore. Hell, even I tell myself that, but it…it…it's never really hit home like _that_ before."

"It's all right, Dr. Cox. Really."

"I understand why you want to transfer," Perry continued, "And I don't blame you, but I think it would be a real shame for you to do so just because I got drunk and got your panties all up in a bunch."

"I can't do it anymore," JD said annoyed slightly at the last comment, "I can't put up with all the little names and your riding my ass all the time."

"I've got a reputation to keep up, Ginger," Perry said defensively.

"I know and that's not it. The thing is that there's nothing to it! It's not just 'Dr. Cox's way of doing things'. You're just a sadist that gets off on driving other people into the ground."

"There's a reason for all of it…" Perry said.

"Don't try and feed me the 'It's tough love' bit or the 'It's because I respect you as a doctor' bit or I'll puke," JD told him angrily, "I've been telling myself both of those but I just can't seem to believe either one anymore."

"It's neither of those," Perry snapped.

"Then what is it?"

Perry sneered and rocked his head to the side as he struggled with what to say.

"I don't want you to go," Perry mumbled to himself through clenched teeth, not even loud enough to be clear.

"Huh?" JD asked.

"You heard me Gladys," Perry covered, standing up from the bed, "Now are you going to transfer or not? I'll have to get working on breaking in the next piss-ant little girl they'll inevitably send in your place, and it would be great if I could get that done before Christmas. So if you're going to do it, get on with it, would you?" He left the room, closing JD in the dark.

JD rolled back and stared at the bunk above him. He couldn't help but smile. In the end, he decided not to transfer. Dr. Cox remained the same, but to JD, everything had taken on a new aspect. Each time he was called Marjorie or Sue Ellen, or Perry went on one of his rants, it was easier to swallow. JD had heard what Perry had said. Even if he wasn't supposed to, he had heard it and that helped console him when he needed it.


	4. My Incredible Awkwardness Part 3

When Perry told the shrink about what he'd done, the shrink had been ecstatic.

"An apology? You're showing real growth, Perry!"

"It wasn't an _apology_," Perry insisted.

"Fine," the shrink shrugged, unfazed, "Not an apology. But what you did: it was a big step."

"Yeah," Perry said sarcastically, "But don't start throwing Beggin Strips at me just yet, all right. That doesn't mean anything. Despite the fact that the kid is a sniveling incompetent, I would just have ended up with something worse if he left – if they could possibly dig up someone worse – which, at Sacred Heart, is the only likely place to do so."

The shrink had long become accustomed to Perry's speeches and nodded him along without listening, "See, Perry, how good it feels to have done the good thing? Now maybe if you could do that just a little more often, you'd…"

"Don't get your hopes up, doc," Perry interrupted him, "I think it was a big mistake. I was stuck in a corner and did what I had to."

"All right," the shrink said, "Fair enough. I'm just saying, Perry, that was the healthy thing to do. You were on the brink of ruining something but you saved it! If you could just take a second to consider what you're doing like you did here - if you could just reach out every once in a while to other people - you'd benefit from it immensely."

Perry bit his cheek contemplatively.

***

The knock at the door interrupted JD's concentration as he tried to throw the crumpled ball of aluminum foil from the leftovers he was eating into the kitchen garbage. It was late; He was out of his work clothes and had just been thinking about slapping in his Good Times DVD to spend a Friday night in. The wad of aluminum foil missed and JD picked it up and lobbed it in again as he went to answer the door.

"Coming!"

When JD undid the deadbolt and opened the door, Perry was standing there. JD thought maybe he was drunk again, but Perry sounded sober enough when he opened his mouth, after giving JD a once over, "Right. Put some pants on; we're going out."

"What?" JD asked.

"Get dressed Marketa," Perry said as he turned to go back down the stairwell, "I'll be waiting downstairs."

JD was glad that he wasn't wearing the onesie again like he had been planning earlier that evening. He quickly ran and got dressed in a pair of jeans, the only non-wrinkled dress shirt in his closet and a pair of shoes. He checked himself in the bathroom mirror on the way out and gave his hair a useless zhoozh. Downstairs, he found Perry waiting in his black Porsche. He was nervous to actually touch the door's handle, but he opened the passenger door and leaned down to see inside.

"Dr. Cox?" he asked, "What is this all about?"

"Well, Colleen, you said you were lonely, so we're going to go out and find that special fella of your dreams so you'll stop bitching about all the spare time you've got to wash your hair these days. Now get in before I change my mind."

JD did as he was told and shut the door behind him. He put his seatbelt on and Perry pulled away from the curb. They ended up at a dark little bar that JD had never heard of before and would have never gone in on his own. He followed Perry, who seemed to know the way, and they both pulled up to the bar where Perry immediately began ordering them both shots, whiskey and beer chasers. JD went to protest, but a preemptive glare form Perry made him shut up and drink the glasses put down in front of him.

"What is this place?" JD asked finally.

"It's a bar, Martha, I'd figured you've been to one of these places where they serve enough alcohol for some sad little misfit with a daddy issue to find your prepubescent chicken arms sexy and just maybe agree to take you home and make a real woman out of you."

"Do you come here often?" JD asked as he watched an abnormally tall woman with an orange mullet walk by.

"Not lately," Perry said, facing the bar, "More of a haunt from my younger days. Used to be the place to pick up total whores."

"Classy," JD commented.

"Hey, Laura," Perry said, "Last time I checked, you weren't much of a catch, so let's just try the bottom of the barrel, all right? Besides, I think Blondie over there's eyeing you," he said, nodding over JD's shoulder.

JD turned to see a stocky woman with a nose ring and only enough hair left on her head to tell it was white glaring at him incredulously.

JD looked back at Perry, wide-eyed.

Perry laughed, "What, Clarissa? Beggers can't be choosers. I'll bet she's a tiger in the sack. Could probably bench press you."

"You know, I've got a feeling that she would rather not," JD said. "Actually," he continued, looking around, "I don't think any of these ladies would. Did you notice that we're the only guys in here?"

"Yeah," Perry agreed after looking for himself. "I guess it might have changed since my days. Who knows, though. It might make for better odds in your case. What do they call the ones like you? Femme?"

JD laughed a little at this and sighed. The two sat silently for a long moment, "You know, that's not it. I wasn't talking about getting laid the other day."

"I know," Perry said, "But this sure as hell beats sitting at home and watching another Golden Girls marathon, doesn't it."

JD took another small drink from his glass. He couldn't quite force himself to down it all like Perry did, so he just continuously sipped to keep up.

"So?" Perry asked eventually, taking the coaster out from underneath one of his empty glasses and tapping it against the bar.

"So what?"

"You said you wanted someone to talk to," Perry said without looking at him, "So shoot."

"This isn't exactly what I meant."

"Yeah, well this isn't exactly how I'd like to spend my Friday nights either, so get started."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," Perry shrugged, "What do you usually talk about?"

JD drew a blank.

"For the love of God," Perry sighed, "Where are you from? There's a start. I don't think I've ever asked before. Where are you from?"

"Ohio," JD answered, "You?"

"Pittsburg."

"What brought you out this far?" JD asked.

"Same thing as you."

"School?"

"Yeh," Perry answered gutturally.

Then the silence was back. Perry was really trying to make a gesture here and JD wasn't any more comfortable. He kept expecting for something to happen, for Perry to suddenly turn and ambush him or Janitor to appear out of nowhere.

"What do you do when you're…not at the hospital," Perry asked finally.

"Not a whole lot. You know how it goes, there's really not time to do anything."

"Yeh," Perry nodded, "But don't you and Ghandi braid each others' hair or something?"

"No," JD replied, Perry having found a button, "I hardly ever see Turk since he and Carla got engaged. They're always off doing stuff as a couple now. I can't imagine how it's going to be when they actually tie the knot."

"It happens," Perry commented.

"Yeah, and it doesn't help that I'm still living in their apartment. I know Carla wants to give me the boot so they can have the place to themselves but I really don't know what I'm going to do. It's going to be hard as hell finding a new place I could afford anyhow but then I think I'd go out of my head if I have to live on my own. Those two are all I've got and they're abandoning me."

JD polished off the beer he was drinking, his second, and ordered a third. Then, he changed his mind and asked for some whiskey which he drank as he continued.

"They really are all I've got. I don't have any family out here, not that I really got along with any of them anyhow. The only people I know work at the hospital, you know. Actually, it's always sort of like that isn't it with doctors. You go through med school holed up in some dorm room studying all the time and never dare a kegger. Then they ship you off to some hospital in some other state and you're working you're ass off 24/7 just so you don't fall behind. You know it's a wonder that we aren't all just social retards. I mean, sometimes it feels like I'm still stuck back in high school, you know, and I'm the loser who doesn't go to prom because he's convinced himself he's got better things to do."

"Comes with the territory," Perry agreed, "We spend twelve years doing nothing but work and research and when we finally finish our residencies, we're really just the same coming out as we were going in, which makes us 20 year olds stuck in 30-something-year-olds' bodies. It's why we stick together for the most part. We're all stuck back in high school."

"Yeah," JD agreed, drinking his small glass of liquor and waiving to the barkeep for another, "It's just so hard, like, to meet people."

"I don't know," Perry said, "You seem to do all right."

"Me?" JD asked, "No. I've got a bunch of ex-girlfriends and a stuffed dead dog, that's it."

"Come on. You've got to have more than that."

"No," JD shook his head, "It was always just me and Turk and now that that's gone, I've got nobody."

"What about Barbie?" Perry asked.

JD snorted and rolled his eyes as the barkeep refilled the little square glass in front of him, "I'm just the backup guy she goes to when she needs the occasional romp on the off season."

Perry tried to think of someone else from the hospital he'd seen JD spend time with but there really wasn't anyone. JD got along well enough with everyone on a professional level, but he really didn't have any good friends. Hell, he had a tendency to annoy people and even make enemies: Janitor and his posse, Asians. He did have his somehow lengthy list of women who came and went but Perry knew that wasn't the same. A girlfriend wasn't a friend.

"So now it's just me, myself and I," JD continued, "And I really don't know how well I like those other two," he added, snorting with laughter. "I mean, it could be worse. You can handle being alone when you've got other things going for you, but I don't. My God, I drive a scooter. I dunno, it just takes its toll after two years and all I find myself doing anymore is bitching about everything and everyone and becoming some sort of bitter hermit."

"Well," Perry said but he didn't have anything to add to that.

"Yeah," JD agreed, "What about you? What do you have to bitch about?"

It had been a far stretch in all of this for Perry but he had to draw the line at pouring his soul out to Newbie. There was only so much he could do.

"Nothing nearly as dramatic. For the most part, I'm just nervous about raising Jack."

"What are you talking about?" JD asked, "You're going to be great. I wish my dad was half the man you were. Maybe I wouldn't be the big pansy I am today and I'd be able to pull my shit together."

"That's true," Perry nodded. Things had been serious too long.

"No, really," JD slurred, "You're great. Jordan's lucky. If I was a woman, I'd be all over you!" JD thought about what he'd just said and howled with laughter.

Perry chuckled, glancing over, "What? Not Ghandi?"

"No," JD furrowed his brow and continued to laugh, "Screw Turk!"

"Well that's flattering, Virginia," Perry commented.

JD laughed even harder and wobbled on his stool. Perry took a look at the empty glass and bottles on the bar in front of them and realized that the kid was ahead of him in the drinking department. Actually, JD had really tied one on and Perry thought it would probably be a good idea to call it a night. He made a production of pulling back his jersey sleeve and checking his watch.

"Well, since it doesn't look like we're going to find any women here tonight that aren't looking for other women," Perry said, "Why don't we get out of here?"

JD agreed, reasoning that it was probably getting close to last call anyhow. They both paid off their tabs, or tried to. Perry told JD to put his wallet away and covered them both. Then they made their way outside to Perry's car. JD was still very wobbly, but Perry, noticing JD's intake from the beginning, had been careful not to drink too much and to stop early enough so that he could drive.

"Dr. Cox?" JD said suddenly.

Perry stopped and looked back over his shoulder to see JD had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, "Yeah?"

"Dr. Cox," JD repeated, "Thanks for bringing me out tonight."

"No problem, Madeline," Perry waved it off, "I figured you'd been after it for a year and a half and I'd throw you a bone. But don't expect a phone call tomorrow to ask what you're thinking, all right?"

He turned around as he pulled his keys out of his pocket, expecting JD to follow. When he didn't hear any footsteps, he looked back over his shoulder and saw that JD hadn't moved and that his shoulders were hunched.

"Newbie, are you all right?" Perry asked, thinking maybe he was going to throw up. Then he heard JD sniff and he realized uncomfortably that the kid was crying.

Perry turned around and walked back, "Newbie?" He reached out a hand to grab JD's shoulder and JD opened his arms and latched onto Perry with a hug. Perry was incredibly uncomfortable and didn't know what to do.

"You have no idea what this means to me, Dr. Cox," JD's muffled voice slurred, "I've just been so lonely and nobody ever has the time to talk and you've always been such a hard ass. Thank you so much…"

JD kept on talking incoherently and Perry just stood there awkwardly.

Perry realized guiltily that he'd ever made any sort of effort to get to know the kid's situation better. He had always figured that the incessant idiocy that just dribbled from JD's mouth was what he was always like, which was, if nothing else, at least happy. But that wasn't all there was and Perry of all people should have known a little something about outward appearances. He felt sorry for the kid.

Perry felt his arms snake around JD and give him the sort of hug. When JD finally pulled back and looked up at Perry with grateful bloodshot eyes to apologize, Perry leaned down and kissed him before he fully realized what he was doing. JD was shocked and didn't move at all as Perry's lips pressed against his. When Perry realized what he was doing, he jerked back embarrassedly, "I'm sorry. I don't know what…I'll take you home," he stammered incongruently as he stepped back.


	5. My Incredible Awkwardness Part 4

First of all, thank all of you SO much for the reviews. I know you all have to be half crazy or blowing smoke out of your asses, ha, ha, but I appreciate it all the same and it has made my life so much brighter and given me a confidence boost I needed and now I want to post more for sure! It's so fun to actually have an audience after just writing for myself the last few months.

Anyhow, here are parts 4 and 5 of My Incredible Awkwardness. Since people actually enjoyed the first posts, I had to make a few edits to make sure I keep up to expectations. Neither of the two beta readers to start with this project made it past part 3, so I'll be working with raw material from now on out. I've been doing my best to re-read and make any corrections I notice, but I'm sure some mistakes will still make it through the filter.

As promised, part 5 is a bit steamier than the previous three chapters, so (in case I hadn't mentioned it before) please be forewarned if slash or sex scenes make you uncomfortable. If that's the case, kindly skip this chapter knowing that they do indeed do it and wait for the next installment for the aftermath. I will say, however, that I tried to make it something I'd like to watch John C. McGinley's body do while still keeping it tasteful. Ha, ha. I have no idea how successful I was or whether or not I'll write any more scenes of this nature soon, but I have to say that it was sure a blast to write!

Thanks again so much to the readers, you really have no idea how much your reviews meant to me. I'll do my absolute best to keep up the standards and expect you to let me know should I run astray. You are, after all, the dear audience and I'm doing this for you and I love your input. f any of you have any suggestions as to where you'd like to see this story go, please let feel free to post it with a review. (I know where the story is headed and just about have a rough draft finished for the last chapter, but I'm always looking for plot bunnies, diversions, tangents, challenges or improvements). Audience participation is encouraged!

And, again, if anyone would be interested in beta reading the rest of this story, or even just a couple chapters, for me (that means you'd be first to read it!), leave a post, send me a message or something and we can most definitely get in contact.

Best wishes, peace out and enjoy!

VSlash

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JD woke the next morning in his bed with his head throbbing, severely hung over. He was still in his clothes from the night before and sprawled across the top of his bed. He slowly and carefully pulled off his wrinkled jeans and shirt and threw them to the floor. When he worked up the confidence to stand, he trudged to his bathroom in his boxers and hunted down a bottle of aspirin from his medicine cabinet and then continued while he was still in motion on to the kitchen to get some coffee and try to keep his head from falling apart.

Turk was already at the stove cooking. The smell made JD nauseous but he managed to rifle a ceramic mug from the cupboards before retreating to the coffeemaker on the other side of the room.

A loud scraping and series of metallic clangs cracked through the air as Turk lifted up a frying pan and transferred something to a plate before placing it back on the burner. JD winced as pain shot through his head.

"Dude," JD groaned, "Shit."

"What?"

"The noise," JD answered, "How isn't that killing you?"

JD opened his eyes and looked over to see that Turk was glaring at him but he was bright-eyed and looking well.

"How aren't you hung over?" JD asked jealously, "We must have been trashed because I feel like shit."

"_We_ didn't get trashed," Turk corrected, " _You_ did and you stumbled back here at four o'clock and woke up everyone on the whole damn building."

JD's face went blank. If he hadn't gone out with Turk, who the hell had he gone with? He filled his coffee cup silently. He tried to remember what had gone on the night before but what little he could conjure up was hazy at best. The last thing he remembered clearly was Dr. Cox at his front door. He thought that maybe he was thinking of the other night but then he swore he remembered the black Porsche and that made no sense. Not once but twice. The first time he was getting in it (which he had never done before) and, the second time, it was speeding off, leaving him behind on a dark, unfamiliar street.

"How did I get home last night?" JD asked Turk.

"Taxi," Turk snapped, "You pounded down my door looking for cash to pay the driver."

"Sorry," JD muttered.

Figuring Turk wasn't in the mood to answer any other questions he might have, JD went back to his room, got dressed then went downstairs to the apartment building's first floor. Sasha was still parked safely in her spot, meaning he hadn't gone out on his own last night. But Dr. Cox? That couldn't be right. JD figured he must have been drinking some hard stuff to imagine that. As he climbed the stairs up to his apartment again, though, he swore he could remember Dr. Cox's face with this look on it. Somewhere dark; somewhere outside.

By the time he returned to Sacred Heart for his next shift, he had sobered up completely and had, after a lot of thought, managed to mentally reconstruct a bit more of what had happened the night before. He distinctly remembered being scared to find Dr. Cox at his front door again at night. He knew that he had hesitated to get into Dr. Cox's Porsche. They had gone to a bar – he couldn't remember where, but he knew it wasn't one he had been to before. They had talked? He supposed so, though that still didn't seem likely. He thought someone had made a lesbian joke or something. Then there was the face. JD didn't know why or what it was about, but he had this perfect image of Dr. Cox in his mind, looking absolutely overwhelmed, his face harshly lit in orange light. The next thing JD remembered was Dr. Cox's car speeding off and JD riding a cab home. It still didn't make any sense and JD still thought perhaps he had dreamt it.

He wasn't sure how to go about asking about it. He didn't dare just go up to Dr. Cox and just ask him. If it was a dream, he would never live it down. If it wasn't…well, why would he have left in such a hurry? Maybe JD had pissed him off. That thought made JD cringe and he was terrified of what Dr. Cox would be like the next time JD saw him. JD decided that, if Dr. Cox didn't batter him physically or verbally, than JD would never mention it. He was willing to let it be a mystery forever if it meant avoiding the wrath of Cox.

***

JD had just finishing clocking in for his shift in and was getting things ready for the hours ahead of him when he saw Dr. Cox come down the hall. JD's heart began to pound furiously. He curled his shoulders in and waited for some sort of rant. When nothing came he looked up and saw that Dr. Cox was watching him. JD expected fury, anger, or at least the customary annoyance that came across Dr. Cox's face whenever he saw JD, but there was none of these. The look was the exact same that kept flashing in JD's mind. Now that he could physically see it, JD could recognize it as embarrassment. Dr. Cox's face was slightly flush and when he saw JD was watching him, his eyes dropped to the linoleum floor and he hurried past on the other side of the hall.

JD was stunned. Dr. Cox was avoiding him. That had never happened before. He might have flat out ignored JD and walked past him without breaking pace, but he had never avoided him before. JD thought maybe he was mistaken but Dr. Cox looked the same the next time he saw him and the time after that and the time after that the entire day. He seemed uncomfortable around JD and refused to make eye contact with him, preferring to talk to his chart with direct, clipped sentences about patients before flitting off. He didn't even call JD girls' names.

***

"Dr. Cox!"

Perry was standing at the door to his building and was about to let himself in when JD's voice and the almost comedic zip of that damn scooter he drove interrupted him.

Perry pretended not to hear the kid as searched his pockets for his keys.

The blue scooter's engine went silent as JD stopped at the curb at the end of the block and the soft thud of his sneakers against pavement began as he ran, "Dr. Cox!"

Perry was about to give up on the keys and begin hitting the buttons on his right, hoping someone would buzz him in when there was a metallic rattle in his coat and Perry found them. He hurried to plunge the right key into the doorknob when he heard, "Dr. C-" cut off by a thud and scraping sound as JD tripped and fell to the sidewalk.

Perry froze. He tried to see from the corner of his eye if the kid was all right. He kept his fingers wrapped around the doorknob, hoping to hear the him get back up.

"_Shit!_" JD swore then groaned, "Ow, fuck."

Perry's heart sank when he realized that there wasn't going to be a clean getaway. He rolled his head to the side and saw JD was kneeling on the ground. The kid's right hand was covered in blood and he was holding it at the wrist with his left. _Of course_ Perry thought, sighing and rolling his eyes as he let go of the door's promised security and turned around slowly.

"I'm fine," JD insisted as Perry squatted down in front of him.

The kid tried to stand up and wobbled unsteadily but Perry caught him by the upper arm and held him still. He took JD's hand and examined it in the fading dusk light. He had scrapped the heel of his palm pretty well and torn the knee of his pants. The entire ground was littered with a spray of broken beer bottles and amber bits of glass were imbedded in his flesh.

Perry stood JD up carefully and walked him silently up the front steps of his building. JD was mortified. He was too damn old for skinned knees. Twelve-year-olds were too old for skinned knees.

"It's fine," JD repeated embarrassedly, squeezing his hand as if the pressure would stop the pain, "It's all right. I'll just go home and take care of it."

"Don't be stupid," Perry said without looking at him, "You have no idea what the hell kind of plagued lepers were drinking from those bottles? You probably already have hepatitis."

JD bit his lip and stared at the darkening puddle in his palm. It stung like hell, but it was nothing serious.

When they got to Perry's apartment, Perry unlocked the door and they both stepped in, JD tripping slightly on the door jam. Perry turned on the lights and threw his coat and bag on the couch before disappearing down a hallway. JD waited inside the front door uneasily. He'd only ever been to Perry's apartment a handful of times and had never made it much further than the doorway.

After a minute, Perry came back down the hall with furrowed brow, "Come on."

"Oh, you want me to…" JD whispered, gesturing between the two of them with his bloody hand.

"And I swear to god," Perry threatened as he turned back down the hall, "If you get blood on the carpet, I will use plastered mop of hair you've got to scrub it out."

"All right," JD choked quietly to himself, pulling his hand in tight against his chest and tiptoeing after him.

JD tried to look in the open doorways he passed in the hall, but the sun was setting and there were no lights on aside from the bathroom. It was a very stark room of white tile and granite. Perry already had the medicine cabinet open and was pulling things from it to line up on the sink counter.

"Nice place," JD commented, "Where's everyone at?"

"Jordan's mother's," Perry replied in a tone that JD knew meant he wasn't in the conversation sort of mood then motioned to the toilet, "Sit down."

JD carefully stepped past him and sat on the closed toilet seat silently. In the room, JD's hand almost seemed to glow. The blood had begun to brown around the edges but some of the fresh stuff was still oozing over the bits of glass and gravel.

Perry washed and dried his hands at the sink then slipped on a pair of latex gloves he pulled from a box in an overhead cabinet filled with towels. JD couldn't help but smirk slightly as it reminded him of the pudding packets and the boxes of gauze he had at his own apartment. As far as stealing office supplies went, it sure as hell beat staplers and pack of Post-Its.

Perry slipped his hand around JD's wrist and looked at it again closely in the bright light. He pressed his lips together tightly as he concentrated but JD could feel the small puffs of air exhale from Perry's nose against the inside of his wrist. Perry picked up an alcohol wipe and tweezers from off the counter, used the former to disinfect the latter and began pulling debris out of the scrape and dropping it into a small garbage can placed next to the toilet.

Perry tilted his head this way and that and had to reposition his hold on JD's wrist several times in the process. The light touch of his fingers and the steady breathing against JD's skin sent goosebumps up his arm and across his shoulders. Perry watched what he was doing intensely and, in return, JD watched the little ripples and tightening in Perry's jaw muscles as he pulled out every last speck of glass and dirt. Dr. Cox had never paid so much attention to him and JD found he somehow, sickly, enjoyed. He felt like a child. He felt secure. He felt protected with Perry hovering over him.

Perry finally placed the tweezers back on the counter and grabbed the bottle of iodine. He pulled so that JD pivoted sideways on the toilet lid and his hand was over the bathroom sink before flushing out anything else that might have remained. Then he put on some antibiotic ointment and covered the scrape with gauze and tape.

Then Perry dropped to his knees to look at JD's scraped knee. The slit in his jeans wasn't very large and he couldn't quite make up what was what. Perry lifted the bottom of the pant leg up to roll it past the knee but stopped when JD hissed as it drove the piece of glass imbedded in the top part of his shin further in. Perry seemed to ponder something seriously for a minute. An odd, uncomfortable look crept into his face.

"You'll have to pull your pants down," Perry finally stood up and said, "Or cut the pant leg off. I can't get it up far enough."

JD blushed furiously, "It's all right. I can get it." He reached out to grab the tweezers from the counter himself with his left hand and winced with the pain. A red patch bloomed across the fresh gauze.

"Just drop trou'." Perry said, though he sounded more apprehensive than perturbed, "Nothing I haven't seen before."

JD tried to think some excuse but couldn't. He undid his fly and lifted himself just far enough up off the toilet seat to slide the denim out from under his hips. Perry helped him carefully peeled the denim past his knees so that his pants were gathered around his ankles.

JD would have let well enough alone if it hadn't been for the sudden situation in his boxers. He snaked his injured leg out and pulled it up against his chest so that the very heel of his foot caught the edge of the toilet below him and his shin his most of his body.

Perry grabbed the tweezers again and removed what appeared to be a shard of glass from the lip of a beer bottle. It took Perry much less time to fully clean and bandage the second injury and JD still hesitated to put his knee down after Perry was done. The breathing and fingertips against his thigh had in no way helped the situation and now, whether it was that or the cold porcelain against his other thigh, JD's skin almost ached with goosebumps.

When he had a bandage on JD's knee as well, Perry looked up, for the first time, looked JD in the face. What started as a cursory glance up lingered. Perry and JD stared at one another silently for several seconds before Perry's face seemed to turn red again.

"You up to date on your vaccinations?" Perry asked, suddenly averting his eyes and springing up to throw away the garbage and packaging that had accumulated on the sink counter.

JD told him yes though he was still considering himself what other precautions should be taken.

"Right then," Perry nodded to himself as he turned to leave, "You know you're way out."

"Dr. Cox," JD called.

Perry stopped, staring out the bathroom doorway.

"About last night…" JD started then realized he still hadn't thought of the right way to ask, "I…um…Are things weird now because…"

"I'm sorry," Perry said quickly, "I apologized. I don't know what that was about."

"What what was about?" JD asked.

"The kiss," Perry said between his teeth, balling his hands into fists.

"_What?" _

Perry ducked his head as he realized what he'd just done, "Nothing."

"Kiss?" JD asked, his face having gone limp and his eyes absolutely shocked, "What kiss? Did we kiss?"

"You were really drunk," Perry scrambled, "And I…I…"

"I'm sorry," JD pleaded, "Dr. Cox, I am so sorry. I never thought I'd actually do it. I must have been out of my mind…" JD went on stuttering and apologizing, but Perry wasn't listening. He was still stuck on the last words.

"What do you mean you never thought you'd actually do it?" Perry asked, still not turning around.

JD grew silent and grew a furious shade of pink around the ears, "Well, I-I…I'd thought about doing it before. I-I don't…I don't know why. I guess…maybe, I mean, like, well, maybe…some small little part of me sort of…like…had a crush on you or something."

JD seemed shocked himself and began to amend and backtrack furiously, "But not exactly because I'm not like that. You know I'm not like that and I and I know you're not like that and I knew you'd kill me and I can't believe I actually tried it. No wonder you were avoiding me. No wonder you _drove off_."

JD stood and pulled his pants up, "Dr. Cox I am so sorry. I'll never bother you again, I promise. You don't have to worry about me trying anything stupid again. I was really drunk. I don't remember it. I'm so, so sorry. I really am…"

"Newbie," Perry said then repeated louder to stop JD, "Newbie! You didn't kiss me."

JD looked confused.

He still hadn't turned to face JD and found it slightly easier to admit, "I…I kissed you."

JD couldn't even register was just said. He physically heard the words, he mouthed them to himself, but they simply made no sense coming from Perry's mouth.

Perry felt like he was going to hyperventilate. He tried to remember to breath while he waited for Newbie to say something. _Anything_. When there were no words, Perry slowly turned around. It took all he could to raise his head from staring at the white tile at his feet to look at JD.

The younger man's face was blank, intensely blank. In the bright light, his pale blue eyes were almost unbearable.

"Did you really," Perry asked, "Think about kissing me before?"

JD nodded.

"And you don't…you don't remember anything at all?"

"No," JD replied.

"Huh," Perry exhaled, dropping his gaze again to JD's bandaged hand silently, completely at a loss as to what to say or do next.

There was a tense moment of silence, then JD stepped forward and placed his hands unsteady hands on both sides of Perry's face and stared into his eyes. First the left and then the right and back again in rapid procession, looking for something. Then, JD leaned forward and pressed his lips against Perry's.

Perry was stunned but there was no hesitation. He wrapped his arms around JD and pulled him in tight.


	6. My Incredible Awkwardness Part 5

The single kiss in the bathroom was followed by another then another and evolved into groping. Perry pinned JD against the bathroom counter and they continued making out almost violently. They were soon both out of breath and had to slow down for a little air. JD finally opened his eyes to look at Perry. There were half a dozen times he opened his mouth to say something – exactly what, he didn't know - but either he or Perry would dive back in and the words would be forgotten.

Perry pushed harder and harder against JD until he couldn't stand it any longer and he scooped him up. JD was more than a little surprised but wrapped his legs around Perry's waist and held on as the older man carried him from the bathroom and into a room across the black hall where they fell sideways onto a bed without missing a beat.

"Have you ever done anything like this before?" JD finally blurted when Perry pulled away to stand u[ and turn on a bedside lamp, "I mean, like, with a guy?"

"Come on, Newbie. I did go to college." Perry answered turning back from the lamp and unbuttoning his shirt, "It has been a while, though, so I might be a little rusty."

"I don't know," JD sat up, "Maybe it's like-"

"Riding a bike?" Perry raised an eyebrow sarcastically.

"Yeah," JD blushed.

"Maybe," Perry added nonchalantly as he tossed his shirt to the floor and knelt back onto the mattress.

"So," JD asked awkwardly, "How are we going to…?"

"First of all," Perry interrupted him, "You're going to stop talking."

"All right," JD nodded.

Perry glared at him as he maneuvered closer.

"I'm sorry," JD said before he could help it, "It's just - I've just never done something like this before."

"Really?" Perry raised an eyebrow again.

"What?" JD asked defensively.

Perry didn't answer.

"Not that I never considered it," JD said, then realizing the position he was in and that this wasn't the time to act incredulous, "How couldn't I? I mean, like, I'm not a big He-Man. I was convinced I was gay for most of middle school because I couldn't do pull ups in gym. But then I got to cop a feel on Hannah Mitchell and it just didn't seem to come up after that."

"I see," Perry said, "Now that we're done with that, do you mind if we continue what we were doing here?"

"Yeah," JD blushed, "Of course."

Perry pulled JD's head in close. JD melted and, when they stopped, it was a second before he opened his eyes again and saw that Perry was watching him. JD realized that he was still fully dressed and scrambled to unbutton his shirt.

Perry slid his hands underneath the shirt and helped JD pull it off before pulling JD by the waist and kissing him again. JD wrapped his arms around Perry's neck and took a handful of his hair as Perry pulled away from JD's mouth and began biting and sucking on his neck. Goosebumps tore across JD's back and he pushed his hips against Perry's. Perry's mouth found its way down JD's throat and onto his chest where JD held it. Perry was amazed at the complete lack of body hair and how soft JD's white skin was against the side of his face and lips. He snaked his hands down under the waist of JD's pants. JD understood what he was getting at and pulled back so Perry would look down and unbutton the fly. Once the zipper was down, JD stood up from the bed to let the pants slide from his hips 0 careful not to pull of the oversized Band-Aid on his knee - and knelt back down.

Perry pulled him in close again and let his hands drop to JD's ass where he grabbed tightly through the cotton boxers and pulled so that JD was rubbing against him again. JD slid one hand underneath Perry's arm and splayed his fingers across the older doctor's back, feeling muscle tighten and relax under his fingers while his other hand found Perry's hair again.

"What is it with people and the hair?" Perry mumbled against JD's lips.

"I don't know," JD smiled, leaning his forehead against Perry's to answer, "You just want to pull it."

Perry grinned and pulled back from JD's embrace again. JD slid down onto the bed and watched as Perry concentrated on pulling off his belt and sliding out of his own pants. He was wearing a pair of black briefs and JD found this incredibly sexy.

Perry pulled his socks off and crawled back onto the bed. He placed the palm of his hand on the inside of JD's ankle and ran it slowly up his calf and thigh. JD couldn't help but arch his back slightly against it and Perry slid one of his knees into the gap between JD's while his hand continued across the top of JD's thigh and along the side of his hip and up his ribs. JD wrapped his legs around Perry's hips as Perry squared his knees and slid down to brace himself with his elbows above JD. He supported his own weight, but JD pulled Perry down on top of him so that their hips, stomachs and chests were against each other.

Perry buried his face into the hollow of JD's neck and began sucking hard enough to leave bright red bruises. JD bit his lower lip and sighed involuntarily. He traced Perry's spine down to the elastic band of his underwear and slid underneath to cup Perry's ass. Perry pulled away from JD's neck and propped himself back on his elbows to look at the younger doctor's face as he drove his hips down hard against him. JD closed his eyes and shuttered at the flesh against him. Perry pulled back and lifted his hips slightly to do it again. This time JD braced himself and grinded upwards as strongly as he could. They repeated the movement again and again slowly until both of their entire bodies were in rhythm.

Perry forced his right arm underneath JD diagonally between his shoulder blades so he could run his left hand over JD's side and chest and up the side of his neck where he grabbed a handful of JD's hair. They couldn't help but grin about that and got lost again in kissing, Perry slipping his tongue into JD's mouth.

Neither one broke pace, but each movement became longer against the other's body until JD's body went stiff and interrupted their rhythm. He pulled his mouth away from Perry and panted, "Wait."

"Are you all right?" Perry asked breathlessly.

"_Yeah_," JD whispered, "I just…have to slow down for a second."

Perry smiled with relief, "I thought something was wrong."

"_No,_" JD said quickly, "God, no. I just wasn't going to last long enough."

Perry looked surprised, "For what?""

JD blushed uncertainly, "Well I thought you were going to…you know…"

Perry looked surprisingly embarrassed, "A lot of people – a lot of guys don't do that at all. We could just keep on like we were."

"If we're going to do it, we might as well to it right, right?" JD said, trying even in the position he was in to puff out his chest a little and pretend it was a practical matter.

"No," JD said, reaching up and touching the side of Perry's face. They were both still, Perry lying on top of JD, "Come on. I can handle it."

"You said you've never done anything like this," Perry said.

"I can _handle _it," JD said repeated firmly in a way that made Perry tilt his head a little to one side.

"Fine," Perry exhaled. He crawled across the bed to open the bottom drawer of the nightstand and pull out a rubber and a bottle of lube.

"You sure about this?" he asked one more time to JD who nodded impatiently.

He slid the drawer shut and stood up on his knees, "If at any time you change your mind or if it's too much," he said seriously to JD, sounding like he was talking to a patient, "Tell me. I mean it."

"I will," JD promised.

Perry gave him one more look meaning he was serious then came closer. He set the condom and bottle to one side on the bed then grabbed the waist of JD's boxers and began to slide them down. JD lifted his hips off the bed and helped push them down far enough so that Perry could pull them off of his legs entirely.

Lying there, despite all that happened, JD felt exposed and had to grab fistfuls of the sheet below him to keep his hands from covering himself. He felt even more self-conscious when Perry leaned back for a moment and gave him the once over. Aside from the blotchy red patches that had blushed across JD's face and neck, the kid's body was white as the gauze on his hands. The only thing in contrast was thin jet black hair that began at his bellybutton and trailed narrowly down until it grew thicker.

"Relax," Perry ordered softly, "Or we won't get anywhere."

JD let go of the sheets and tried to take a deep breath, but he could only manage to ease himself a little. Perry took note of this and straddled JD's stomach. He began to touch and massage to tension out of JD's body. He began with another kiss, this time soft on just on the lips, then another on the cheek and a third just to the left of JD's Adam's apple. He could feel JD's body begin to hum again and pulled back. He wanted him loose, not wound. So he leaned back and put his hands onto JD's chest and began to press the palms of his hands in circles, working his way up to JD's shoulders and neck before slowly coming back down. Because he knew more than a thing or two about the human physique and muscles and nerve endings, he succeeded at his goal. JD closed his eyes and was put into almost drowsy state. Perry got up and continued by propping each of JD's legs on his shoulders and using both hands to work the larger thigh and calf muscles, being careful not to touch JD's groin or the persistent hard-on that hadn't waivered despite the sudden halt in action. When he finished working the ball of JD's left foot and laid it back down on the bed, JD lolled his head up lazily to open his eyes.

"Better?" Perry asked.

"Yeah," JD replied, "Much."

"Now you're going to have to stay that way," Perry said, picking up the bottle of lube from the covers and squirting a gratuitous amount into his palm. He cupped his hands and blew some hot air into them before he began spreading it between JD's legs. He started rubbed it smoothly, skillfully into the curve between JD's buttocks before sweeping up and giving his cock a few strokes, watching how JD had closed his eyes and began to breathe deeply and slowly.

Perry took another handful of the lubricant then tossed the closed bottle aside and cupped his hand against JD's ass. He worked softly, moving his hand against JD's skin and covering it liberally until he felt a slight give in the muscle tone at which he rotated his palm upwards and slid his middle finger into JD. He could hear the kid inhale, but he kept pushing in slowly until he was in as far as he could get. He pulled the finger out just as slowly, stopping before removing it completely and went back in a little more suddenly. He continued that way until he felt no resistance before sliding his ring finger in and rotated his wrist in a corkscrew motion. When JD gave into it and, again, there was no resistance, Perry could see the kid was enjoying it more than he imagined he would. He considered whether or not JD had been telling the truth about sleeping with another man, or at least what he'd done on his own.

"You ready?" Perry asked hoarsely, pulling his concentration and gaze away from his hand and looking up at JD.

"If you are," JD replied.

Perry grabbed the condom and held it in his teeth as he stood up to take off his own underwear. JD sat upright on his elbows.

"What?" Perry asked through his teeth.

"You got a show," JD smiled, "I just want what's coming to me."

Perry glared at JD and pulled down his briefs in one quick motion. JD watched in approval, wondering how he hadn't noticed Perry's tan line came down further on his legs than the shorts had. It wasn't that much of a difference, though. The lighter colored skin, as much as it made JD think of the child on the sun block container being mauled by the puppy, was still darker than any inch of his own body. Perry's hair was funny too, all the same reddish brown color that was on his head.

"Does Shirley approve?" Perry asked.

JD nodded, not bothering to look up as Perry opened the condom wrapper and put the rubber on. "Come here," he ordered, sounding like a doctor again.

JD looked confused but sat up and walked closer on his knees.

"Now turn around," Perry told him, taking JD by the shoulders and leading him.

"What's the-"

"It'll be easier on you this way," Perry interrupted him.

JD did as he was told and Perry stepped closer to the bed and wrapped his arms around JD, kissing his neck and shoulders. JD arched his back against him and turned his head to catch a kiss over his shoulder.

"Now spread your knees," Perry said into JD's ear, "then lean forward a bit." He pushed JD into position with his body until he was on all fours, then continued, "Last chance to back out here, Newbie."

"Bring it on," JD said, realizing himself how stupid it sounded.

Perry pulled back a bit and positioned himself with one hand while holding JD's hips still with the other. When he was in the right spot, he thrust up without warning and JD felt his entire body clench.

"Relax," Perry whispered in his ear, not moving, "You've got to relax."

JD took a deep breath and let half of it out when Perry pulled back and pushed back in. It was different from before; different than when it was just his fingers. It was bigger and he could feel the rest of the man attached to it against his back and even feel his heart pulsing blood through the other body's veins.

Perry took a few more slow, deep pivots of his hips then felt that JD was ready and began to keep a pace. He hooked a forearm across JD's stomach, another across his chest and pulled the younger man up against him as he continued faster. At first JD could feel the individual pumps it took for Perry to go in and out of him, but then the feeling blurred into one single sensation that made JD's entire body writhe and rock against it. His body flushed hot and a film of sweat erupted all over his skin. He could feel a few stray damp hairs stick to his forehead, and a drop of it trickle down the small of is back in the small gap between him and Perry's stomach.

Then JD felt the arm around his stomach loosen and wander down between his legs to grip him. JD tossed back his head as Perry began to stroke his hand back and forth in time with his own movements. Dr. Cox pressed his bared teeth against JD's shoulder when JD let out a guttural sound in response.

It wasn't long before a sharp electric edge JD recognized as tremendous in momentum made his core muscles jerk involuntarily. It began to well up and slowly define itself from a tingling all over his body to a very concentrated wave that traveled up his spine.

"I'm close," JD panted, trying his best to keep the muscles in his lower body from tightening.

Perry didn't respond, but JD heard his breathing become almost frantic as he began to use his grip still around JD's chest to utilize the mattress's bounce to go still faster.

JD felt the snap inside himself and he arched his body uncontrollably and threw his head back while clamping his eyes closed. He strained against it and felt each process happening: his abdominal muscles tightening and bulging, the muscles in his groin clamping down, his balls pulling into his body, the fluid draining into the base of his cock, and the hum of Perry's constant friction at the very center of it all. Then everything, every part of him tightened and strained until it felt unbearable, until JD's entire body felt like an over taught string about to snap. JD let out a strained cry as the entire world closed in around him, everything went black and dragged and on.

Then the first contraction began. Everything let go rhythmically and JD could actually feel the come as it left his body over and over again. He knew just knew each time would be the last, but he it wasn't and he subconsciously counted 6, 7, 8… until his body strained one last time and tried to hold it even as it was already slipping away.

When it was over, JD fell limply back against Perry, whom he had only vaguely heard coming himself, completely used and exhausted. His entire body tingled, his heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he could feel the veins in his arms, legs and head throbbing. For a few second, it took all he could to concentrate on breathing.

There was a long time of nothing, of darkness and JD feeling like his body could just melt into the bed. Then he heard the hoarse whisper, "My God." It was Perry and his voice sounded scratched and dry.

JD turned, feeling Perry slip out of him and opened his eyes. The other doctor was sopping wet. The curls around his face were actually dripping onto his forehead. His nostrils were flared and his chest was heaving as he breathed and his eyes looked almost scared.

"Never…" Perry stammered between exhales, "…my heart…holy shit..."

JD knew he couldn't string words together and didn't try.


	7. My Changing Opinions Part 1

Ladies and gentlemen, I sincerely apologize for the delay in adding new chapters. I have been incredibly busy with the beginning of the school year and other things and I just didn't have the time to do some heavy rewriting necessary for these next few chapters. It was killing me that, after all the wonderful reviews, comments and subscriptions (who I will begin to thank by name in following posts) that I wasn't updating. Well, here we are and never fear! A brand spanking new addition kicking off part two of My Overall Complications entitled My Changing Opinions.

Again, I'm flying solo here without a beta reader, so I apologize in advance for typos and the like. Even though I've reread this five or six times and made corrections, I'm sure there will still be a mistake or two and I would be more than happy to make corrections to any errors brought to my attention. As always, if anyone would be interested in being the first to read new installments in turn for a little proof reading, lol, let me know. It would make my day.

And just to let you all know, the next chapter is halfway completed as we speak and should be out much more quickly than it took for this one.

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

-V

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He'd heard the door click open but hadn't worried about it. He didn't realize that he wasn't in his own bed. He didn't realize that it wasn't probably just Turk. He didn't think about anything until a woman's voice whispered softly, "Perry? Are you awake?"

_Perry?_ JD cracked open his eyes to see who it was and, while it would be clichéd to say that it all came back to him at once, enough did to give him the good sense to hide under the covers.

"What the hell?" the voice continued as the door screeched the rest of the way open.

JD didn't say a word. He searched for an item, _any_ item of clothing under the covers but came up with nothing. His boxers were where they should be but everything else seemed to have disappeared.

"What the hell?" the voice repeated then, with a kick to the side of the bed, "Perry!"

"Jesus Christ, Priscilla," Perry groaned hoarsely into his pillow on the other side of the bed, "Could you take it down a notch?"

"I will not 'take it down a notch,' you stupid _prick_!"

Perry propped himself up on his elbows and tried to blink his eyes into focus. He looked confused until he saw that Jordan was standing at the foot of the bed and there was still a bulge under the sheets next to him.

"What little intern whore did you manage to drag back here?" Jordan pointed at the frozen mass, "It's not Barbie under there is it?" then something hit her and she asked, "It's Dr. Miller, isn't it? God _damn_ it, Perry!"

When JD still couldn't come up with a pair of pants, he tried to peek out from underneath the covers but dropped them altogether his flushed face came into full view. Caught, he blitzkrieged for the pile of clothes he could finally see in the corner of the room and rushed to put them on.

Jordan's face went blank, "DJ?"

"Jordan…" Perry said in an explanatory tone, standing out of bed and wrapping one of the sheets around his waist, though he didn't seem to have anything to add.

"This is just pathetic," Jordan said coldly, "You couldn't even bag that blond bitch you've been chasing? You had to bring this little…faggot home?"

She stepped towards JD as he tried to button the waist of his Levis. Perry grabbed her by the shoulder and she responded with an elbow to his stomach.

"You fucking asshole," she shouted, shoving Perry backwards, "I can't believe you!"

She looked around the room with furious eyes as if she didn't know what to do with herself. Then she saw the glass bowl sitting on one of the bedroom dressers.

"I never should have thought you'd change," Jordan cried as she threw the bowl but Perry managed to duck in time. Unsatisfied, Jordan grabbed a framed photo of Jack and hurled it at him as well, following suit with a jewelry box and then a lamp, "How could I have been so _stupid_?"

Jordan cleared off the entire dresser then continued to scream as she moved on to the one on the other side of the room and started pitching a collection of ceramic containers, "You self-centered piece of shit!"

"Hey," Perry cried out, "Hey! HEY!" He dropped the sheet wrapped around his waist as he danced to avoid bodily harm. "Jordan," he pleaded, "Jordan, come on. Knock it off. Jordan. Would you listen…"

"To what?" Jordan snapped, stepping close to look Perry in the eye "To you? To your excuses? To your _bullshit?_" She pursed her lips and stared at Perry for a moment. Her eyes were glistening and a tear almost welled over but she wiped them away stiffly and, from somewhere else inside the apartment, a baby's cry chimed in.

"No. I don't think so," Jordan said simply. She turned and left the room, "I'm done."

"Wait. Stop. We can…talk?" Perry pleaded, "We can talk about this."

He ran after her in his underwear but Jordan didn't look back. Jack was still sitting in his stroller in the living room next to a couple of unpacked pieces of luggage. Jordan pulled the bags over her shoulder, grabbed Jack's stroller by the handles and steered him out the front door.

"Come on. Wait!"

When she slammed the door, the entire apartment was silent. JD came into the room slowly. He had managed to get his pants and shoes on, but his shirt was still unbuttoned as he snuck down the hall.

"Dr. Cox?" JD whispered hoarsely.

Perry was standing in the middle of the living room with his arms raised, fingers laced behind his head. He didn't turn to face him but JD heard the hiss of air as Perry sucked air in through his teeth, "Go."

"Listen," JD started, "I'm-"

"_Go_!" Perry interrupted angrily.

JD closed his mouth tightly and rushed past Perry and out the front door. In the hall, he had decided not to take the elevator in case Jordan returned for more. Instead, he went down the utility staircase, buttoning his shirt as he carefully descended the treacherous steps, his bandaged hand searing at his fingers' movements.

Outside, the sun was still below the horizon and the sky was a dim, surreal sort of orange. People were waking up and getting ready for their lives: driving to work, walking to school, speeding home on a scooter in yesterday's clothes - each one in their own little bubble of morning genesis. As JD got further from Perry's apartment and closer to his own, everything that had happened became a bit disjointed. It was again like he'd had an odd dream but the details didn't blur this time. The more he thought about the look on Jordan's face, the sound of Perry's voice, the sweat of the night before, the more it all became frighteningly vicid. The only reasonable solution was to stop thinking and that's exactly what he did.

When he got home, JD went straight to his bathroom where he stripped out of his clothes and turned the shower on. While he waited for the water to warm up, he carefully peeled back the medical tape on his hand and removed the brown stained-gauze. Underneath, the bony heel of his palm was a mottled purple and the slash where the largest piece of glass had cut had scabbed over. It would heal fine, he thought, but he was still going to get a pretty good scar.

By the time JD finished inspecting his hand, the room had filled with steam and he stepped into the shower. He closed his eyes while water poured over his body and when he opened them again, he swept the dripping hair out of his eyes and stared at the familiar green and white tiled walls.

***

Perry didn't show up for work that day. JD kept himself too busy to think about it.

The second day Perry was gone, JD couldn't keep himself from feeling a bit worried no matter how hard he tried to clear his mind of it. He did, however, manage to keep from calling Perry's house to see if anyone would pick up which, he supposed, was a small victory in self-determination.

When Perry finally came to work on the third day, looking haggard and most likely still hungover, JD was relieved for a grand total of three second before he realized that meant he would have to actually see him during the day. Sacred Heart wasn't that big and, more likely or not, something would come up that he would require Perry's assistance.

It became quickly apparent, however, that it wouldn't be a problem. After Perry took off his coat and signed in first thing in the morning, he looked up and caught JD's gaze. Both men immediately diverted glances and walked in opposite directions.

The rest of the morning was a game of tag with nurse's sent as messengers between the two. Post-Its stuck to patient charts with things like, "high blood pressure," "needs surgical consult," "get a chest x-ray," and "gout?" were the closest they came to actual communication until a page came over the hospital's intercom requesting Dr. Dorian in pediatrics.

JD, who had been on his way to the cafeteria for a lunch break, was baffled but changed course for the closest elevator and went to the third floor. He was half-jogging down the hall to the nurse's station to see who was looking for him when something caught him by the elbow and pulled him into the men's room. The door closed behind him and JD turned around to find Perry. JD blushed violently and wished he could be anywhere else. He couldn't look Perry in the eye and stared at the end of the stethoscope hanging around his neck.

"Dr. Cox," JD nodded uncomfortably, trying to sound nonchalant as if they were passing in the hall.

There was a horribly long silence before Perry finally opened his dry lips and said quietly, "She moved out."

JD looked up, "Huh?"

"Jordan," Perry said, "She moved back into the place she leased before we got back together. Said she kept it just in case."

"I'm so sorry," JD replied solemnly and genuinely.

Perry stared silently. It felt like he was sizing him up and JD began to try and figure out an escape plan.

"About the other day," JD offered while he stepped back and tried to inconspicuously see if there were any feet under the toilet stall doors - any witnesses, "I don't know what happened."

"Nobody's in here," Perry noted, seeing what he was doing.

JD felt a twinge of fright, "The best thing would be to just forget that anything happened at all and we could…we could just go back to how things were beforehand. You can call me girls' names and tell me how much of an idiot I am and I can leave you alone. How about that?"

JD waited for an answer, a threat, a scream. Something. But Perry didn't look angry. He didn't look anything. His face was oddly blank. Actually seeing him this close, JD noticed there were heavy bags under Perry's eyes and his usually meticulous hair was slightly disarrayed. The lines in his forehead looked like they had been there a while.

Perry finally opened his mouth again and said, "No." Then he stepped forward, reaching into his white coat pocket.

JD thought he was going to pull out a gun, maybe a knife. He thought Perry was going to stab him to death there and then. When Perry instead pulled out a small copper colored key and offered it, JD didn't know what to do.

"What's this?"

"It's to my apartment," Perry mumbled, "I work a double shift so I won't get off until early tomorrow morning."

Perry turned quickly to leave, but JD asked, "What's this for?"

"Jordan wants the rest of her stuff," Perry said flatly, " I need help packing it all."

"Oh?" JD commented unsurely.

"You helped make this whole goddamn mess," Perry said, sounding a tiny bit like his normal self, "I'll be damned if I'm left to clean it up on my own."

***

JD had been practicing conversations all day - things to say, things to clarify, things to apologize about – but when he knocked on Perry's door, he still had no idea what to say. His pulse quickened when he heard the deadbolt click and the door swung open. He decided that, "Hi," was a good start but Perry didn't even give him the chance.

"Come on," Perry said, annoyed, "There's a shit load to pack."

JD followed Perry back to his and Jordan's bedroom where already half-filled cardboard boxes were on the floor and a pile of clothing sat in the middle of the bed.

"Here," Perry said, offering him a black plastic trash bag and gesturing to the clothes.

"Just stuff 'em in?": JD's first words of the night.

"I'm giving her her shit," Perry replied, finding the opening to a bag of his own and shaking it in the air to open, "I don't have to be cordial about it."

JD flicked open his own bag and started shoving what appeared to be rather expensive blouses, skirts and dresses and suits in dry cleaner bags into it. They managed to compact and entire wardrobe into three bags that Perry tied at the tops and threw into the hall.

Then Perry picked up the half empty boxes off the floor one by one and stuck them on the bed where the clothes used to be and went through the battle-scarred drawers of the bedroom dressers, stacking little odds and ends and feminine articles inside. What remained of the wooden jewelry and its shining guts spilling over went in first, followed by bottles of lotion and makeup. Perry ducked into the side bathroom for a second and came back with an armful of things from his medicine cabinet. As each one filled up, he folded the tops close and wrote "Jordan's Shit" across the front of them in Sharpie.

When there was nothing left in the bedroom, JD followed Perry's lead and carried the boxes and bags out to the living room where they were stacked on and in front of the couch. While they were there, Perry went through the living room and took framed photographs, paintings, trinkets and decorative things off the walls and shelves. He did a quick sweep through the kitchen, grabbing a coffee mug with "#1 Bitch" written on it and several old serving dishes that looked like real silver and packed them all away.

JD helped when it was apparent what was going but, for the most part, Perry just pointed. And even then, Perry usually shook his head exasperatedly and ended up taking whatever it was and doing it himself. JD mostly stood back and watched Perry work back and forth through all the rooms with the same odd blank look on his face that he had had at the hospital. As the middle of the night wore on into being the very early morning, his face became more gaunt and his movements clumsy. It took hours to comb through the entire apartment and, just when it looked like Perry might be done, he would stop suddenly and go to a room he had already been through, remembering something he had forgotten in an out of the way drawer or cupboard.

Finally, sometime just after five o'clock in the morning, Perry came back to the living room with a stack of paperback novels that he tossed onto the only remaining visible part of furniture with a sigh. He stepped back, tilting his head from side to side and stretching his shoulders as he undoubtedly did a mental inventory check of the house before letting his shoulders drop. Then his face changed slightly. The anger and frustration softened into something that, if Perry knew was so transparently visible on his face, he would have never let JD seen it.

"Was that it?" JD asked.

Perry started a little at the sound of his voice, "Just one more," he replied.

He picked up one of the only remaining empty boxes from the floor and went down the hall into the only room that neither of them had set foot in. JD followed tentatively.

Perry flipped on the stark overhead light and the crib, the toys, the alphabet painted on the wall all came into view. JD was uncomfortable and stayed outside the door. Perry went inside slowly and looked around. He didn't touch anything, only gazed slowly. He got to the crib and saw a little blue blanket.

"I can't believe she left this," Perry said to himself under his breath, "He needs his woobie." The word sounded absolutely out of place coming from Perry's mouth, but something about it sounded natural – like he'd said woobie a thousand times before.

Perry carefully picked up the blanket, refolded it and placed it at the bottom of the box before turning to look at the rest of the room. His jaw was clenched more than ever so that it looked like he was in physical pain. This time, he did turn away from JD. He picked up the box, turned out the light and brushed past JD as he went back to the living room. He pulled out the Sharpie from his box and wrote Jack's name very carefully across the front before placing it on top of everything else and they both stood back and surveyed Perry's inconsistently bare apartment, like it had mange.

Perry let out a yawn and went into the kitchen and started the coffeemaker. JD stood in the middle of the room awkwardly. He felt like he should probably go, but Perry hadn't dismissed him. Neither had he invited JD for coffee. He was stuck in an odd limbo waiting for something to be said.

"Dr. Cox?" JD said finally, when Perry came back out of the kitchen "I really am sorry about all of this. If I would have known any of this would happen…"

"Stop," Perry said, "Just don't. I've had enough lies of formality lately. You're not that sorry."

"I _am. _I am sorry."

"No you're not!" Perry shouted, "And neither am I. All right? Let's just fucking forget it. You can go now. That's all I needed help with."

JD mulled something over for a second, "What do you mean you're not sorry? The mother of your child just left you over some one-night stand."

"I'm not," Perry shrugged defiantly.

"So you're saying you would do it all over again?" JD asked.

Perry looked uncomfortable and turned back into the kitchen.

"Are you saying it was worth it?" JD asked after him.

There was a thick silence in the apartment.

"This place is too goddamn quiet anymore," Perry commented incongruently, "Why the hell isn't the TV on or something?"

"Dr. Cox," JD asked uncomfortably, "What…what was all of that? What was this? Why did you ask me to help you with this? You could have done that on your own. Or called one of your friends."

Perry didn't answer.

"Dr. Cox?" JD hesitated, "Are you…Do you…What are we doing?"

"I don't know," Perry shrugged sarcastically, "What the hell are we doing, Janelle?"

"I don't know," JD sighed, tucking his hands in his coat pocket and turning towards the front door, "I'll get going."

Perry went to say something, then hesitated.

"Huh?" JD looking back.

"Thanks," Perry sighed.

"The least I could do," JD replied limply before he stepped out into the hall.


	8. My Changing Opinions Part 2

I would like to take a moment and thank two great people who helped me out in a time of need. You guys are great and, without you, this fun little excursion into my daydreams wouldn't be nearly as polished or clearly. Thank you Banj and Lesly for being my beta muses. Let's hope everyone enjoys this chapter as much as you did.

-V

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The shrink could tell by the look on Perry's face as he walked into the office that this was not going to be an easy session.

"Good morning!"

Perry responded with a stiff half-nod and a nondescript guttural sound.

"You missed our last appointment," the shrink said, "Has everything been all right?"

Perry smirked and laughed sarcastically as he plopped down into the recliner across the desk from him. "Everything is just peachy."

"We've gone over this before, Perry," the shrink said patiently, "If you don't tell me what is going on, there is nothing I can do. Now, if you'd like to talk about it I would be more than happy to listen; but if you're going to be snarky, there's no point in wasting your time or mine."

"How's this then," Perry sneered, "My ex-wife left me and took the kid with her."

"That's too bad, Perry. What brought this on?"

Perry bit his tongue looked to the corner of the room.

"Was it another woman?" the shrink asked finally.

"Close," Perry snickered bitterly.

"I'm not sure I follow…"

"It was another man," Perry said.

"Oh…was this an acquaintance of yours?"

Perry rolled his head to the side and sighed. "It's this kid I work with," he said finally, hoping to leave it at that.

"_The _kid?"

Perry nodded reluctantly.

The shrink contemplated for quite some time before he spoke again as objectively as possible, "Perry, I can't say that this really surprises me and I don't think it surprises you either."

"The hell it doesn't," Perry replied, "I figured it would be a cold day in hell before I woke up with Newbie in the sack next to me."

"Well that might be true," the shrink conceded, "But that is not what I am talking about. Can I ask how your ex-wife managed to find out?"

"She caught us the morning after," Perry mumbled.

"Do you think there's any significance to that?" the shrink asked.

Perry didn't know what the hell he was talking about, "Significance?"

The shrink nodded, but Perry couldn't think of anything and told him no. The shrink let out a sigh, but didn't pursue it, "How have you been coping then?"

"Just fine," Perry replied, "I chugged along for thirty years on my own before they came along and I'm sure I can manage being on my own again."

The shrink just stared at Perry and waited for a legitimate answer.

"It's been quiet," Perry finally blurted, "It's worst at night. I've tried leaving the television and radio on, but it's not the same and I haven't been sleeping for shit lately."

"I see."

"And without running errands or taking care of Jack, I've got too much time to think."

The shrink found this interesting, "About what?"

"Everything," Perry sighed, "Jack, Jordan, me, work, what I did, how I fuck everything up, how I can't handle being happy. That's the big one. I can't figure out why I can't leave well enough alone."

"That's interesting," the shrink commented, "Haven't you said this before?"

"What's that?"

"This belief that you can't handle being happy. Haven't you told me about this before? Wasn't it something that your…your colleague said?"

"Yes," Perry agreed, "He said it. But so did everyone else."

"Uh-huh," the shrink nodded. Again, he could tell that Perry was holding out on something and, again, he let it go.

"Have you been able to speak to your ex-wife since she left?" the shrink asked, changing subjects.

"No," Perry answered, "She had me pack up her things and deliver them to her house but she wouldn't answer the door. She made me leave it all out in the hall."

"I see. And Jack?"

Perry shook his head no.

The shrink could tell by the look on Perry's face that there were all sorts of things going through his head. He sat silently, hoping Perry might say something.

After about five minutes of this, Perry finally looked up and said, "I think that's enough psychobabble for today. See you next time."

"You've still got another forty minutes," the shrink rushed to say, but Perry paid him no attention.

***

That night, Perry went into Jack's room and put in the _Finding Nemo _DVD that almost always managed to put Jack to sleep and went back to his room, hoping the familiar sound might help him sleep. It almost did.

He sat in his room, sprawled across the middle of his bed and closed his eyes while his mind wandered. He wondered what Jordan was doing at the moment. Maybe she was sitting awake in her bed in the apartment on the other side of town. Perry knew, though, that she had most likely fallen asleep long ago and wasn't thinking of anything, let alone him.

Then he thought about JD – his scrambling to leave the apartment with his open shirt flapping behind him - the silent way he had watched Perry pack Jordan's things with a silent guilt and obligation - the sweet, flattered smirk on his face when he learned that Perry had kissed him and not the other way around. Perry couldn't quite force him from his mind, no matter what he tried to focus on. There were no tits to be seen on cable that night and no matter how many times he tossed, turned, flipped and flopped from one cool side of the bed to another--praying to some atheistic analogue of God to just _finally_ fall asleep--he couldn't get the image of JD's solemn eyes out of his mind.

***

The lack of sleep was slowly taking its toll on Perry at work. He still avoided JD at all costs and hadn't directly seen the younger doctor in days. With all the dodging and hiding added to his insomnia, his shifts seemed to stretch on and on for days. He trudged along, blankly going through the motions of everything without even enough energy to be frightening. He managed sarcasm, but just barely. For the large part, everything was just a gray buzz with static white noise in the background.

Then there was a moment of odd clarity while Perry was taking care of a patient in a coma.

Like a voice tuning in on an AM radio, JD's voice, as it did when he was within alarming distance, tuned in through the buzz, "Dude, I was out of line." He was apologizing to Turk, "I know you can write a medical paper on your own, I was just being an ass."

Perry stopped what he was doing and looked for somewhere to duck into - maybe the patient's bathroom. Something made him stop, however, and listen intently.

Turk said something along the lines that he could imagine where JD had been coming from with Elliot. Perry realized that they were finally making up over the little tiff they'd had over Elliot and he sneered to himself without realizing it, particularly when JD insisted on a hug.

Then Turk said that they should go for a drink after work and Perry's sneer disappeared. JD said something stupid like, "Fo sho', V-Bear," and the quick exchange was over.

The two doctors went back to their jobs, but Perry obsessed over the short conversation. He finished his day and went home but rather than slip out of his clothes and try to sleep as he had tried the days before, he went to his closet and put on some clean duds and got ready to go out. He hadn't really made the conscious decision of what he was doing, but he decided not to focus on it lest he realize that it was a bad idea.

He went to the hospital staff's regular haunt, found a table in the back and began drinking. He didn't know for sure if this was where JD and Turk were planning to meet but he decided to wait and see. It was only fifteen minutes or so before they came in.

Turk was laughing and already half-flirting with the girl behind the bar as they stepped in the door and did not notice the uncomfortable look that came across JD's face as he saw Perry.

"Dude?"

JD turned back to Turk, "Huh?"

"What're you drinking?" Turk asked while he rifled through the cash in his wallet, "Appletinis?"

"No," JD replied self-consciously, partially to Turk but more so to the barkeep, "Just a beer. Guinness would be dandy."

Turk looked a little surprised, but ordered the same and hunted down a bowl of peanuts at the end of the bar. When he came back, he was grinning, "V-Bear! I forgot I haven't told you about the sickest surgery of all time!"

Turk started telling JD about this procedure he had done earlier in the week. The patient had started bleeding or something and Turk had somehow saved the day but JD wasn't listening closely enough to catch exactly what had happened. Perry waved down one of the waitresses around this time.

"Dude?" Turk asked after he finished, "Are you all right?"

"Sorry," JD shook his head, "That's crazy cool."

"You know it," Turk grinned distracted by his own superiority and demanded a high five, "Whazzup?"

JD willingly obliged and even added a bit of pat-down soul to the handhold until the waitress came by and placed down a glass of scotch in front of JD and his hands fell limp.

"Who's that from?" Turk asked.

The waitress pointed towards Perry. Turk turned to look but noticed a good looking woman at the end of the bar.

"_Nice_," he grinned.

"Yeah," JD agreed weakly as he lifted the glass and nodded thanks in the general direction.

Nonplussed, Turk started talking again. Perry couldn't quite hear everything he said, but it was nothing interesting. He was making up for all the time that they had been apart and covering all the mundane, stupid little rituals and things the two did from day to day.

Without realizing fully what he was doing, Perry pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, scrolled through his contacts, and called Carla. He couldn't quite remember why he had the number on his phone in the first place or if he had ever actually called it, but none of that mattered at the moment.

"Hello?" Carla answered tentatively, obviously not recognizing Perry's number.

"I don't mean to be _that _guy, but I have to say that you are one trusting woman."

"Who is this?" Carla asked, "Dr. Cox?"

"Yeah," Perry replied.

"Oh…" Carla sounded surprised then worried, "What's wrong?"

"I was just saying that you are a better woman than I for letting Gandhi off his leash. If Jordan were half as lenient, well…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Carla snapped.

"That little boy toy of yours. It's very nice that you let him run at night, but would you mind calling him in because he is really mucking up my chances with the red-head that's all over him."

"_What?_" Carla shouted, "What red-head."

"Don't worry," Perry assured her, "You've got him trained. He's not touching anything, just a good looky-loo. I wouldn't say anything but I was chatting her up before he came. Then he started with his surgeon talk…"

"Came in? Where?"

"The bar? Didn't you know he's down here?" Perry said with mock naïveté, "Shit. My bad."

Carla was too distracted to suspect anything, "I'll kill him."

There was a beep as she hung up. A few seconds passed then, on the other side of the bar, what sounded like mariachi music began.

Turk had been in the process of picking up his beer and relocating to one of the tables in the back with JD. He put the beer down, pulled the phone from his pocket and, after checking to see who it was, answered, "Baby?"

A small, tinny voice fluttered from the phone and Turk did his best to answer:

"I'm just getting a couple of drinks…_No_," he added, glancing at JD, "I'm alone…What? No, Baby, there aren't any hoochies here…"

The chirping on the other end of the line continued for a couple more minutes until Turk sighed, "All right! I'm coming home right now. _No I'm not too buzzed _to drive. Baby, I didn't get a chance to!" He put his finger over the phone and said apologetically to JD, "I've got to go. I don't know if she's still out to get you for the whole Elliot drama or not, but I don't want to risk her getting mad at me if she is."

"S'all right," JD chuckled distractedly, "I understand. I'll see you later, then."

"I can still give you a ride home," Turk said, "I think she'd be OK with that. We do live in the same apartment."

"I was thinking about sticking around for a while," JD glanced over Turk's shoulder at Perry.

Turk grinned, "Go get 'er, Tiger," He laughed and patted JD good luck on the shoulder as he put the cell phone back to his ear and began trying to calm Carla down in a whiney tone as he left.

"You know it!" JD jeered as he watched Turk leave.

Alone, he tried to concentrate on his beer bottle. He managed about five minutes before he couldn't bear it anymore and walked over to Perry's table.

"Evening, Barbarella," Perry said as JD sat down in the chair across from him.

"Hi," JD replied awkwardly, "And thanks, I guess, for the drink."

"If you're ever going to transcend into manhood," Perry said matter-of-factly, "You'll have to stop drinking like a sorority girl."

JD decided this was a joke and did his best to smirk as he studied the ice in the glass.

"Listen, Dr. Cox…" JD started, but Perry cut him off.

"Stop."

"But-"

"Just _stop_," Perry reiterated, "I swear to God, if you start all your Dr. Phil sort of shit…Just let it go."

JD bit his lip for a second, "So are we cool then?"

Perry glared at him, "_Cool?"_

"I mean," JD backtracked, "I know we've never been _cool_, exactly, but like…I guess we must be on speaking terms?"

"Shut up," Perry sighed, almost smirking.

JD bit his lip and began tracing his finger around the edge of his glass.

"Turk thought the chick at the end of the bar bought this," JD chuckled to himself, "He would shit if he knew it was from you."

"Yeh," Perry agreed.

"So…" JD said, "How have you been?"

"Been worse," Perry shrugged, "Can't sleep for shit, but I'm still ticking."

"Have you tried warm milk?" JD asked sincerely.

"Good to see you using that med degree," Perry commented, "And no. I think I'm going to start using it to my advantage. Seems like such a waste of time to be sitting in bed when I could be remodeling the apartment."

"Remodeling?"

"Some painting, some new furniture," Perry replied, "Rearrange stuff. You know."

"Aren't you going to wait to see if you can work things out with Jordan?"

"Naw," Perry shook his head, "If she's coming back at all, it will be on her terms."

JD nodded silently.

"I think the goose is cooked this time, though," Perry admitted, looking across the bar at a few people playing pool and not at JD, "And good fucking riddance as far as I'm concerned."

"You don't mean that," JD assured but Perry glared at him and he didn't continue.

"It never works out between the two of us," Perry continued as he turned his attention back to the pool table, "If anything could have made it work, it was Jack and, well…that just went swimmingly."

"So you really think you and Jordan are through?" JD asked timidly.

"Yeah," Perry sighed, shaking his head slightly, "She usually calls and leaves messages telling me how much of a good-for-nothing I am by now."

"And she hasn't?"

"Nope. I haven't heard a word from her since she left."

"How about Jack?"

"Huh-uh," Perry said quietly, "Nothing at all.

JD bit his lip and the two sat there for a minute. Perry could tell he was delicately looking for the right thing to say. He looked at his watch then pulled out his wallet and checked the contents.

"Listen," JD spoke up finally, "I was going to ask if you could maybe give me a ride home before you drank too much since Turk abandoned me. I don't want to cut your night short or anything, but I've got some money. Maybe we could pick up a case of beer and hang out at your place for a while? You wouldn't have to kill your whole night and if I get too trashed, I could just crash on your couch."

Perry could tell by the look on JD's face that he was fully aware of the fact that it wasn't a water-tight story.

"All right," Perry replied, "But not my place."

The last place he wanted to be was back in that apartment, looking at the spaces on the wall where family photos used to hang.

"Where then?" JD asked.

Perry thought about it for a second. He had been trying to solve this problem for days. He had nowhere else to go. No second apartment, no friend's place, no cabin outside the city. Nothing.

"How about your place?" Perry threw out.

"Carla and Turk are both there," JD said.

"Awake?"

"Probably not," JD replied, "They should both be asleep by time we'd get there and they're heavy sleepers. I sneak girls in and out all the time," JD's ears turned pink, "Well, I mean, they won't hear you if that's what you're worried about."

"Right, then," Perry nodded, "Your place."

***

JD couldn't help but feel like a high school kid when he opened the apartment door and tiptoed in. All the lights were out and he could just barely hear Turk's snoring. He motioned for Perry to follow suit and he did, carrying the six pack of Budweiser, looking far more confidant – defiant even - than JD did.

Perry had never been inside the apartment before. JD flicked on the light above the stove but, with all the other lights off, he couldn't really make out most of the apartment. The furniture looked twenty years old and like it had come with the place, but it wasn't that bad.

JD maneuvered around the kitchen island and eased onto the sofa in the living room. Perry followed and sat down in the arm chair to the side. He pulled a beer from the plastic rings, threw it to JD, then cracked one open himself. JD flinched at the noise.

"What's the matter?" Perry said sarcastically, "Scared Mom and Dad will find out you came in after curfew?"

"_No_," JD whispered defiantly, "I just figured you'd have a heart attack if anyone saw you here."

"You're right," Perry agreed sarcastically, "I would just die-"

Perry was interrupted from going into detail of exactly how he would die by a loud moaning snore from Turk's room. Both JD and Perry tensed up until a second, quieter whoosh of air came and it was clear Turk was still sleeping.

JD chuckled turned to Perry and whispered nervously, "See? I told you they slept like logs."

"Yeah," Perry snorted, taking a swig from his beer then whispered, "So, do I get the full tour or what?"

"Sure," JD said, taken aback, "Well that's the kitchen," he said, nodding over his shoulder, "And Turk and Carla are the room over there. There's a half-bath there by the front door and then my room is over there."

Perry turned his head and saw JD's door was open. He got up and walked over to it, JD scrambling after him.

Perry flicked on a lamp sitting on an end table just inside the door. He held back a laugh. It was exactly what he had expected; it looked like a dorm room. There were posters up on the wall of 80s bands and even a neat row of crushed empty beer cans lined up in front of a row of dusty medical textbooks on an Ikea looking particle board shelf.

JD scurried to pick up dirty socks from the floor, threw them into his open closet, then tried to straighten the comforter strewn across his double sized mattress, "It's sort of a mess…"

"Relax, Shirley," Perry said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, sipping his beer, "I like it. You've really got the sorority house look down."

"Not what you were expecting?" JD asked.

"To be honest," Perry took another drink from his Budweiser, "No. For some reason I imagined at least one item with Hannah Montana's face splattered across it."

JD shook his head and smiled, "Nope."

Perry leaned back and kicked his shoes off onto the floor, trying best not to consider what color the carpets had begun their lives as.

"And you're missing the best part," JD said, motioning for Perry to come over to the window, "Check out the view."

Perry stood up stiffly and joined JD. Outside the pane of glass, the street below them glowed a dim orange. There was a small public park across the street from the back side of the building and, beyond it, there was a small glittering skyline of other brownstones and industrial buildings. There was even a small sliver of the sky visible, though it was a smoggy brown color this far in the city, even late at night.

"I know," JD admitted when Perry didn't say anything, "It's not that great, but it is a view."

"That it is," Perry replied.

"In my room back home…" JD commented, gazing out the window.

"In Ohio?" Perry asked, thinking it odd that JD would still refer to it as home after nearly three years.

"Yeah," JD nodded without looking back at him, "I could see halfway across town and there were trees and lawns and you could actually see stars at night."

"Is that so?" Perry asked automatically.

"Yeah," JD nodded, "The closest thing you get here is if you stand on the roof at the hospital but all you see there are other ugly concrete buildings."

"That's about right," Perry replied.

"How about you?" JD asked. He turned from the glass pane and realized that Perry was watching him and standing much closer than JD realized.

"What's that?" Perry asked.

"What were the views like in Pittsburg?"

"Eh," Perry shrugged, stepping closer still to look further out the window, "Not too different from this in some places."

JD's pulse quickened and he began talking nervously, "Huh. I've never been there so I wouldn't know. It's not too far from Ohio, though, is it? I mean, it's only like a few hours drive…"

Perry leaned forward and kissed JD to shut him up. JD could taste the beer on his tongue first, then the body and everything else attached to the kiss became vividly familiar and JD didn't hesitate. He backed towards the bed and eased onto it, pulling Perry with him.

It felt like a continuation of where they had left off, as if nothing of the last week had taken place and they both fell into rhythm. Perry pulled of his shirt and JD undid Perry's pants in return, only separating their mouths long enough to see what they were doing.

They were both soon completely naked and writhing against each other. Goosebumps tore across JD's body as he felt Perry's hairy chest and stomach up against his own.

Perry was vigorous in his movements, almost jarring. He pinned JD's wrists above his head against the bed and began nipping his neck, earlobe and collarbone, leaving bright pink marks. JD twisted underneath him and arched his back against the mattress while Perry bent down to kiss JD's chest in a few strategic places.

"You got rubbers?"

It took JD a second to absorb what Perry had said before he rolled his upper body and pulled one from a glass bowl on the nightstand. Perry ripped the package open with his teeth and put the condom on quickly before lunging forward and continuing where he had left off. He wrapped one of his arms underneath JD's waist and lifted his hips away from the bed. JD locked his knees around Perry's waist while Perry used his freehand to position himself then slide into him.

Both men froze for a moment at the sensation, their respective eyes closed. Then Perry opened his and cut loose . JD gripped the headboard and grit his teeth. He tried his best to remain silent. He was sure, however, that Turk and Carla were bound to hear the bed creaking or Perry's labored breaths and the hissing gasps muffled against JD's throat.

JD thread his fingers into Perry's hair and pulled his head up. The look on Perry's face, if JD wasn't enjoying himself, would have been mildly worrisome. His gaze was intent but his brow was knit the same way it had been when JD helped him pack Jordan's things. He was looking JD in the eye, but whatever was behind them was a million miles away. When it became apparent that Perry was lost in his own world, JD slid his hand between their stomachs, took hold of himself and began to rub in rhythm to Perry's movements, watching the older man close his eyes and make the entire bed rock.

JD came first and his head throbbed as he muffled a cry deep in his chest. Perry followed soon after and hissed air between his bared teeth while every muscle in his body contracted to the point of trembling. Then, everything surged back to him and he collapsed onto his side with an exhausted sigh.

JD, as always, had no idea of what to say. He still couldn't quite wrap his head around what was happening. It was hard to believe that Perry, that Dr. Cox of all people, was in his bedroom, lying in his own bed next to him, naked.

He scooted to the very edge of the mattress, as the bed was much smaller than what he and Perry had shared before, but he was still close enough to brush against Perry's exhausted, wet body. He expected that Perry would jump up and leave as soon as he caught his breath. Then Perry blindly laid his arm across JD's chest. When JD heard his light snoring, he warily rolled onto his side under Perry's arm and moved back away from the edge of bed slightly so that their two bodies were curved into one another. JD fell asleep peacefully and contently with Perry breathing lightly against his neck.


	9. My Changing Opinions Part 3

Hello dearest readers!

I know it has been months since I updated this fic, but I honestly have not given up on it. Life has found a way of keeping me busier than I know how to handle, but, thanks to my trusty and ever persistent (verging on aggressive) beta-girl, I have finally managed to crack my writer's block and am raring and ready to keep going with this.

To all of you who have left reviews and added my story to your favorites and subscription lists, I thank you and dedicate this chapter to your kindness. I hope that you will continue reading My Overall Complications in the future as I start adding more again.

Best wishes to you all,

V

* * *

It was still dark when JD woke up. There were still a few minutes before his alarm clock went off. He delicately turned to see if Perry was still there and literally shook his head in disbelief when he discovered that he was. JD watched the sleeping man's face and mused that he did not look nearly as intimidating while asleep. His brow was still lightly scowled, but it was almost childish.

JD sat there silently until the alarm clock finally did go off. He immediately squashed the snooze button but Perry started.

"Shit!" he whispered, sitting up.

"Good morning," JD whispered back.

But Perry wasn't listening. He was out of bed and scrambling to get his clothes on, "What time is it?"

"Quarter to six," JD answered, "Why? Do you have to be somewhere?"

"Are Carla and Ghandi up yet?" Perry asked.

"Not for a few minutes," JD answered.

"Shit," Perry reiterated under his breath. He had managed to put his pants and shoes on and was working on buttoning up his shirt, "Go make sure they're not up yet."

JD hesitated.

"Go see if the coast is clear," Perry urged.

"OK," JD said, sliding his bare feet out from underneath the sheets and on to the cold floor "Hold on a sec."

He pulled on his boxers and walked out to the kitchen, pretending to get something to eat while Perry watched intensely from behind the barely opened bedroom door. When it was apparent the coast was clear, JD waved him on and Perry quickly tiptoed across the apartment.

JD opened his mouth to say goodbye but Perry stopped him with a shushing finger to his own lips as he quickly slipped out the front door.

***

It was still a bit chilly outside as Perry walked to his car. He pulled the keys out of his pocket and began twirling them around his index finger nervously.

He couldn't believe that he had actually fallen asleep. He hadn't known what he was doing the night before at all from the beginning – he didn't know that he would go back to JD's place and, even then, he still didn't know for fact that he was going to make a pass until he did it.

Afterwards, Perry told himself he should get up, get dressed and head home. He knew that he had been incredibly lucky that Carla or Gandhi hadn't seen him come in and that he shouldn't push his luck. But, lying there, Perry had been so…comfortable. No; not comfortable. Content. Perry had been so content lying there. His whole body was so sore and he had been so worn out from the days before. He just wanted to stay there, wrapped up in the little cocoon of covers with JD in his arm. He told himself he'd stay just a little while. Just a few minutes. He would get up and find his pants and shoes and keys…in five minutes. Maybe fifteen. Until then, nothing mattered for that moment. Not Jordan, not Jack, not work, not home, not a single thing. As long as he didn't move, he thought maybe it would stay that way.

Then, of course, he had to go and fall asleep. It was no different than the times he tried to play snooze tag with the alarm clock; he always lost.

Perry looked back at JD's building just before ducking into the Porsche and saw that JD was watching him from his bedroom window. Perry felt a strange twinge in his stomach, averted his eyes and pretended he hadn't noticed JD.

As he drove home, the sky slowly lit up and the streetlights turned off. He supposed it was too late to say that he was in shock or couldn't believe what he and JD were doing, but it still didn't seem quite possible. Newbie of all people.

When he let himself into his front door, Perry subconsciously tiptoed and shut the door in a smooth, quick motion that would keep it from screeching. Old habits die hard and he wasn't really aware of the fact that he was trying to keep from waking anyone in an empty apartment.

He noticed that his answering machine's red light was blinking with a new message as he took off his coat but he passed it by to stop in the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee first, then he looped back to the phone, mug in hand, and pressed play.

"Listen," Jordan's voice emanated from the machine, no hellos, no introductions, "I'm just calling to say that Jack's been missing you and that I think it would be a good idea for you to take him this weekend. You can pick him up sometime tomorrow afternoon."

Though the message was short and flinty, Perry was happy to hear it as it was the first time he'd heard from Jordan since she'd left. He'd tried to call her literally hundreds of times over the weeks, hoping to at least get to see Jack but she had ignored him. Probably cooling off. But now she was at least talking to him…or at least _at _him. He was most excited, though, to know that he could see Jack.

Perry checked the time-stamp on the message to be sure it had been left the night before, which meant he could pick-up his son in a few hours. Then he slowly began to sip his coffee and drifted towards the living room window as he waited.

***

Perry knocked firmly on Jordan's door at four o'clock. Jordan answered almost immediately, but didn't seem to be expecting him as she still had to put together a diaper bag full of supplies.

Without a word, she turned to go and get some things and left Perry to close the door behind him.

"I didn't expect you so early," she said flatly as she came back in the room with Jack in her arms.

"Yeah, well." Perry shrugged, not sure of what else to say.

Jordan handed Jack off and the child seemed a little leery at first but soon enough recognized Perry's smell and the sound of his voice and latched onto him.

"He's missed you," Jordan commented as she packed bottles and diapers into Jack's bag, "He seemed kind of lost for a while."

"Yeah, me too."

Jordan glared up at him for.

"I'm sorry," Perry blurted out.

Jordan sighed, "I'm sure you are, Perry, but the thing is that you'd do it again in a second. Why couldn't you have just told me in the beginning that you didn't want me to stick around? I would have been fine with that. I told you that I didn't want us to stay together just because of Jack. I know that we aren't exactly a great couple, but I got my hopes up this time. I really thought that you wanted to give this a chance and I thought…" she trailed off and shook her head.

"Thought what?" Cox asked.

"That you might actually be happy with us," Jordan said, looking down embarrassedly as she packed a couple of Jacks' toys and zipped the diaper bag closed, "I thought that we might actually have a chance at living as a normal, happy family. I know it's stupid but things really felt like they were starting to fall into place."

"Come on, Jordan," Perry said defensively, "What chance did we really have? We're just not family material. The Bradys might have been a mixed family, but Mrs. Brady never told Mr. Brady that Cindy was a love child from a Venezuelan affair."

Jordan looked infuriated and tears came to her eyes, "Perry, you stupid asshole."

"What?"

"I didn't tell you," Jordan said carefully wiping tears from under her eyes so as not to ruin her mascara, "Because…I figured you'd freak out at the idea and do something stupid," she almost laughed through the tears, "When you went out of your way and everything for me, I guess I figured you just might be able to put your hang-ups behind you if…if I tricked you into it. I was going to tell you when I knew you were going to stay around for sure. I didn't want to guilt you into feeling like you had to stay, because I knew that wouldn't work." Jordan covered her mouth with her hand and stared at Jack.

Perry cocked his jaw and looked down at the top of Jack's head.

"Here," Jordan said, changing her tone and offering the diaper bag, "Have him back Sunday at six." She leaned down to kiss Jack on the cheek, "I'll see you later, Monkey-Face."

Perry hoisted the bag over his shoulder and made his way outside. He had bought a car seat that morning and put it in the passenger seat of his Porsche. He knew it wasn't favorable, but it was his only vehicle and it didn't have a back seat. He decided, knowing how stupid it was even as he thought it, that he would just have to drive carefully until he either bought another car or traded in.

It was incredible to see Jack again and Perry talked to him the whole time he drove back to his place. It had only been a few weeks, but Perry could see the changes in Jack and how much he'd grown and felt a sickening pang of guilt. For now it just meant that Jack's hair had grown in a little thicker and darker and that his blue eyes were becoming more of a dark gray, but in the future it might be the difference between him crawling and walking.

When Perry picked Jack out of the car and brought him upstairs to his apartment, he began to really absorb the consequences of his actions, but then he had to throw them out of his mind so that he could fully enjoy the time they did have together. He'd worry about everything else some other time - one of those nights when he couldn't sleep anyhow.

Jordan had taken the irreplaceable baby things when she'd gone, but she left behind a lot of other things and Jack's room had been almost untouched, meaning there wasn't too much to stock up on. Perry unrolled a blanket onto the living room floor and put Jack on it long enough to get and set up the playpen from Jack's room. Then he picked the boy up and sat down on the couch. It was quiet and Jack soon fell asleep in his arms. He could have gone to put him down in his crib, but Perry just closed his eyes and felt the little body lying in his chest grow and shrink with each of the child's slow breaths.

Without the distraction of talking to Jack in the silence, Perry again thought about how many thing he would miss. There would be the exciting times like his first tooth and his learning to say "Daddy," to be missed but Perry hadn't considered all the times like this when they would do nothing at all and Perry would be just as happy to know that this little human being that was part of him.

_This is ridiculous, _Perry thought to himself. None of this was new. None of it. After forty years, he still was nothing but a self-saboteur. It was different when he was in high school and he refused to take his SATs until well after his senior year because he went on a sabbatical. It was different when he refused to apply for scholarships or grants in college. It was even different the other times he had cheated on Jordan. This time, it wasn't just his life he was ruining.

Though he didn't allow himself to do it often, Perry thought about his own childhood. If you did better than your own parents did with you, then you were a success – that was Perry's thought. And, he supposed, his father had pretty much left him a carte blanche. There was nothing Perry could do to be worse than Mr. Cox (who tenderly allowed his children to call him "Sir").

Looking back, the world from his youth seemed to be entirely gray. The tiny two bedroom house they had inherited when Perry's maternal grandmother died was one of hundreds of the same sort in his neighborhood with peeling whitewashed walls and ash-colored wooden shingles on the roof. By and large, the neighbors all worked at mills or in construction, as did Mr. Cox. Mr. Cox, however, had a habit of changing employers frequently, leaving behind a trail of black eyes and the occasional threat of lawsuit. Somehow, though, whether he pulled strings or called old favors from men he worked with on other jobs, Mr. Cox managed to keep a steady trickle of income most of the time. He spent most of this money at corner bars, but it was preferred as opposed to when Mr. Cox drank at home. When he was at the bar, he could smack around a stranger then pass out in some alley on the way home to sleep it off. If he started at home, however, there was only a few options of whom to smack around and Perry often opted to save his sister and take a blow or two himself.

Mrs. Cox (whom Perry couldn't really remember actually addressing…he supposed he called her Mom), had had her own sort of demons – mostly the kind that sent her from room to room of the house, thin-lipped and quiet and lead her into bouts of laundry or ironing or cooking when crashes and screams came from upstairs. It was always hard for Perry to remember his mother. He knew she had to have always been present physically, but he never quite actually remembered her. As a matter of fact, the only reason he knew she was there was because he had been told so – sort of like when you're told an actor you know played a bit part in a movie you haven't seen in years.

Back then, when Perry would stare out his bedroom window at the other gray houses and mills in the distance. He had vowed that if he ever had children of his own, it would be better for them. Years had gone by and, by his late thirties, Perry just assumed that he would never have children and all and that was probably for the better. Despite his hatred for alcohol, Perry had taken to drinking in patterns that he was all too aware leant themselves to a serious problem. He also seemed to have inherited a short fuse and livid anger. In fact, the only obvious difference between Mr. Cox and Perry might be that Mr. Cox would actually be in the picture. Flushed and shouting, yes, but in the picture. What would Perry have? The occasional weekend?

Perry shook his head. He wouldn't let himself think that – not even sarcastically. His father had been a horrible man and Perry would never, could never be like that to Jack. He might not be perfect…hell, he might not even be good, but he would do his best. He wasn't one for self-improvement or character building, but, as he felt son sleep in his arms, he told himself that he could do more than this. Whatever the hell that meant.


End file.
